Can animals become suicidal?

I believe animals have a wider range of emotions and a broader intellectual life than most people credit them. They do not operate on a human level, no, but many animals have fulfilling lives. The evidence, mostly anecdotal, is too overwhelming to ignore.

Animals can become depressed. Five years ago my cat Toto experienced an episode of depression (possibly accentuated by her flea medication -- old Usenet post here) for which the veterinarian prescribed Valium. Animals which mate for life mourn the loss of a partner. (On our trip to Seattle ten days ago (a story I never told due to Satchel's death), Kris and I saw two raccoons lying dead at the side of the road. Were they struck simultaneously? Or was one struck first and then the second struck while grieving?) Can an animal become so depressed that it becomes suicidal?

This morning as I turned from Elm onto 13th there was a large crow standing in the middle of the road, directly in the path of oncoming traffic. I drove past slowly. The old bird was huddled low to the ground, its feathers fluffed as though sleeping or cold. Its eyes were open. It looked around, but was wholly unafraid of my vehicle. It appeared to be uninjured, yet made no effort to move when I passed. I watched in my side mirror as two cars in its lane veered around the bird. It stood still. Did this crow have a death wish? Had something so traumatic occurred that it was willing to throw itself in front of the metal face of the human world?

As I complained to Dave yesterday, my world has suddenly become very busy. I am overwhelmed.

I took a day off work Monday to develop the Mixzon web site but didn't complete it. Though the site design itself is simple, the source material is jumbled. Distilling the information into discrete pages is proving more time-consuming that I had anticipated. Too, I was tired from staying up late to watch the World Cup three times during the past week.

Meanwhile, MacLaren's doesn't seem keen to sell me laminate flooring unless they get to install it (though they will do it -- they're just not happy about it). They insist that I need some sort of special tool (a "strap"?) that helps align the planks as they get placed. They neither rent nor loan this tool and may not even sell it. Mac recommends that I yield my moral high ground and just purchase the material from Home Depot instead of from a local merchant.

At Custom Box I'm nearing completion of my programming project. Yes, I like programming, and am learning a lot about Visual Basic and SQL, etc. etc. but enough is enough. Three months of this is driving me insane and I'm ready to return to my normal routine.

A speed bump has appeared however: I've lost several hours to programming because one of our computers has died. I took the machine home last night so that Computer Resources might repair it only to find that it was beyond hope. The machine behaves erratically, with what seem like random fluctuations in processor speed. Worse, it alternates between an unwillingness to recognize various hard drives and recognizing them but stating that the drives are damaged. This worries me. I have a half dozen drives (ranging from 1gb to 6gb) that I use for testing. They're all fine. Could something in this dying computer cause it to damage the drives during formatting?

I've written that computer off as dead, which means that most of today I'll be working to replace it so that Jeff and Nick can actually get some work done. Will I build a computer or buy one? Each has its advantages. If I build one, I can do it as Computer Resources. But that's a huge chunk out of my day that could be spent programming. Buying a computer is quicker (and possibly less expensive), but leaves me at the mercy of the computer manufacturer's design. Most mass-market computers are cheaply made. If my source for parts were closer to Canby, or did not open at 11 a.m., I'd be more inclined to build the machine. If I build it, the earliest it would be operational is about 3 p.m. (and I would have sacrificed five hours of work time). If I buy it, the earliest it would be operational is 10 a.m. (and I would have sacrificed an hour-and-a-half of work time).

Meanwhile, book group is this weekend and I am only just starting Wallace Stegner's Angle of Repose. Since this is my book selection, I need to get the book read. But the Mixzon web site needs to be completed. And Molalla Tractor has called for help with a new computer and with their web site. And Kris' sister is coming into town on Thursday night. And there are chores to be done in the house and the yard. And my fantasy football owners are beginning to wonder why I haven't sent out information about the upcoming season. And I want to start on the floor. And I can't figure out which registrar has custombox.com so that I can renew it.

The next week or two will be a crunch of activity and then you know what? Then Warcraft III will be released and I will cast aside this mortal coil and immerse myself in yet another computer game. In two weeks I will have forgotten this stress.

Bits and pieces of recent interest:

• Zink: rants and raves from a self-described C programming god
• The video for Dirty Vegas' song Days Go By is awesome (video is available on the web site). I'm not a fan of videos, but this one is fantastic.
• CSS for the Unglued is a nice collection of Cascading Style Sheets resources.
• Why Does Porn Got To Hurt So Bad?, Eric Raymond's brilliant essay on good porn and bad.

On this day at foldedspace.org

2005 — Sunny Sunday   We passed a slow and lazy weekend, the kind I love so much.

2004 — Moving Day   Thanks to all twenty-two of you who helped make this move so easy, and to the three of you who helped on previous days. We appreciate it more than you could possibly know.

— Peeling Wallpaper   Yesterday was very productive. With the help of friends, we moved another vanload of boxes; we finished stripping wallpaper in the dining room; we began stripping wallpaper in the study; we moved potted plants.

2003 — Please Please Please   In so very many ways I was a typical angst-filled teenager of the mid-1980s. I never bought all the way in, though: I didn't like The Smiths.

2001 — Nostalgic Reveries   There are four or five primary sources of nostalgia for me, all of the women who were, at one time, close friends.