I'm still feeling blue.

When I'm down, I want to spend money. The worse I feel, the more money I want to spend. If I've had a bad day, I want to buy some new music or a new book. If I've had a disagreement with Kris, I want a piece of computer hardware.

I'm feeling mighty low right now.

Kris talked with me some last night, and while she wasn't able to alleviate my sulkiness, she was able to help me put some things into perspective.

For example: since I am able to rattle of a litany of woes related to soccer, it seems pretty obvious that my body is trying to tell me something; namely, my body isn't as ready to play soccer as my mind is.

I'm overweight. I'm unfit.

Rather than rush to return to the field this season -- a decision that would likely exacerbate my current injuries (or cause new ones) -- I've decided to spend the winter focused on obtaining physical fitness. Part of this plan requires me to lose forty pounds. During the holiday season.

The last time I lost forty pounds was during the summer of 1997. I was five years younger then. In the years since, I've tried to lose weight several times, but have been wholly unsuccessful. Fortunately, I have a strong "trigger" this time, something I've lacked previously. My goal is to change my lifestyle in such a way that this weight loss can be achieved and then (and this is key) maintained. I've yet to decide whether I'm going to go the typical-J.D. over-analytical route this time (tracking myriad statistics, etc.).

Because my hamstring is so sore, I'm not going to be able to start an aerobic exercise program for a couple of weeks. That means my weight-loss plan will begin with sharply reduced calorie intake. This ought to be a fantastic test of will.

The other big decision with which Kris helped me grapple is whether or not to take on a large Computer Resources job.

One of Custom Box's clients wants a database constructed around which they can run their office. They want the following modules: inventory, purchase order, work order, job costing, estimating, etc. They also need a couple of miscellaneous databases.

This job is certainly within my ability; the database I created for Custom Box Service this summer is very similar to what this client needs. But do I want to take on this large piece of work? The money would be good, but it would consume a large chunk of my time over the next several months.

I'm leaning toward taking the job. It would be a good experience, my first large independent programming job. And it would give me a little money to spend so maybe then I wouldn't feel so blue any more.

I look forward to a time when this forum returns to a more generalized discussion of life -- I'm sick and tired of my whining.

On this day at foldedspace.org

2003 — John Henry   In which I admire a steel-driving man.