I know nothing of J.D.'s abortive attempt to find the soccer field. However, as to the movie, at the beginning of the film J.D. began rummaging around in his pockets for something. He then pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and a pen and began jotting something down. When I asked him he said, "I'm just taking notes." I thought it was exceptionally anal, but then again there are things about J.D. which can be exceptionally anal and I didn't think a thing about it after that.

In the middle of the film, J.D. gets up and leaves. Not an uncommon occurrance during a film, especially since we all had the obligatory giganto-sized bucket 'o Coke at our sides. But he didn't come back. Then a rumpled and ruddy complexioned man (yes, even in the dark he fit that bill) was talking to me from the row behind me, saying, "Are you Joel? Joel, John needs to talk to you." At which point (me not being Joel), Joel and I looked at each other across the seat formerly occupied by J.D. and Joel got up to see what was going on with J.D. Joel didn't come back.

At this point I was beginning to worry a little. Had J.D. taken ill (being prone to seeing movies in a less than healthy state and also possessing a somewhat weak constitution IMHO)? Had something gone awry? I had considered but immediately rejected the thought that something had gone amiss with the spouses because I was very skeptical that the theater could've picked us out even if something had gone wrong given that we hadn't given our names at the door and they'd no idea who we were.

A minute or two later the same fellow returned, tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to follow him out of the theater. As we left the theater I could see Joel and J.D. (healthy and as hale as he was walking into the theater) standing near a pillar in the entryway of the cinema. J.D. especially looked a bit sheepish and chagrinned. Joel looked as Joel always does with an amused smile to his face. The "escort man" then made some brief comment about how we were not going to be let back into the movie and that the movie was a test screening and did we want to see another movie because he'd get us into whatever other movie we wanted to see in order to placate us for the inconvenience.

At this point I still wasn't sure why we were being asked to leave, although we clearly were not going back into the movie. Joel pointed out that he needed to retrieve his bag from the theater and he and "escort man" returned to recover Joel's backpack. As they left J.D. explained to me that we were being evicted because he was taking notes on the movie and that he'd tried to explain to escort man that he was "just taking notes to give better feedback". When Joel and escort man returned we waited while the theater provided us with two "readmits" for each of us, whereupon we left. During the wait we engaged in some discussion of the film with escort man, but it was immediately apparent that he wasn't much interested in our feedback. C'est la vie.

I must admit that I was somewhat disappointed to not finish the film, especially since we had reached a point where I was interested in the film and wanted to see the rest. I also thought there were some things that needed improvement and I was ready to offer my opinions on those thing. However, I was mightily amused by the whole thing as well. First, because it was obvious that the research company was completely oversensitive on this issue. J.D.'s comments would've been pretty much spot on and would've benefitted the research company. At the same time, even if he posted a full blown "review" of the film on the CNN web page he wouldn't have said anything that probably isn't already public knowledge.

More amusing for me, however, was the fact that J.D., who really wanted to see this movie, had, through his own anal retentiveness, gotten himself (and the rest of us) tossed out of the movie that he really, really, really wanted to see. It was a delicious irony. I was quite amused.

And he's right, it was a lot like junior high.

On the whole, though, the evening was a great deal of fun and retiring to Joel and Amy's house for a long chat was an excellent way to wrap up the evening. And we've now got a good story.

For those of you that follow the "junior high" link in J.D.'s post, he also misstates the rat dissection incident. The thing that really pissed off the teacher (in addition to the fact that J.D. butchered the rat and wasn't doing what he was supposed to do) was that once he realized that he had a pregnant rat, he stuck the rat foetus on the end of a probe and danced around the room chanting "I've got a pregnant rat! I've got a pregnant rat!"

This irritated Mr. Suchanek to no end. For such a diminuative man he had a remarkably loud voice if he wanted.

I have absolutely no recollection of dancing around the room dancing "I've got a pregnant rat!", though I wouldn't put it past my thirteen-year-old self. Or my thirty-four-year-old self, for that matter.

Oh yes. You were bopping from one group to another shoving that damn probe in our faces. When Suchanek caught up to you and realized what you had he was veeeeery irate. I distinctly remember thinking "Thank God I'm not his lab partner today." I don't recall who your lab partner was that particular day, but I know it wasn't me.

First of all, having only seen the first hour, I must tell everyone within electronic distance that this is going to be an outstanding movie, perhaps the greatest movie of all time that features a big nasty British pudding in the shape of the Galapagos Islands (feel the passion, Jackal).
Second of all, while I certainly was looking forward to the screening, and was having a fantastic time with the film, I was well compensated for my sudden eviction by the hilarity of the subsequent events. I have snuck into many movies. I have smuggled food into many more. I have engaged in lip-mashing make-out sessions during "Schindler's List" (not actually true, it was "Look Who's Talking, Too!"), but I've never been thrown out of a movie.
When I walked out into the lobby and saw JD standing their looking sheepish (and, really, JD does do the best sheepish I've ever seen), all thoughts of injured family members or unannounced cash prizes left my head.
Once JD had apologized and I had learned what he was apologizing for, my first thought was cover stories. What could we say about his notes that could get us back in? Dave is a lawyer, I thought maybe a quick review of the actual legal boilerplate of our invitations might be in order, but he was as of yet still in the theater. I looked at JD, he'd recently had a haircut, the kind he gets at that place in Canby that always makes him look... young? earnest? concussed?
He was dressed for the weather, short-sleeved button-down with the kind of ridiculous shorts that it is the doom of white men to wear as payment for taking over the world. His knee was puffy, he looked a little shaky, kind of intense.
If I had been up for a con, if I'd had the guts and, most importantly, if we had ever done a con together before and were comfortable following each other's lead, this is what I would have said:
Me: "Sir, it may not be obvious to you, but my friend Johnny here is mentally disturbed."
Jackbooted Theater Thug: "Wha-?"
Me: "Well, look at him, isn't it obvious? This is the one day a month I can get into town and take him on an activity. But he has a little trouble with the outside world, so he writes everything that happens down on whatever comes to hand."
JTT: "But-"
Me: "Listen, did you see what he was scribbling on? The back of a real estate flyer. That's because he forgot his Magic Journal at the hospital. He's already hanging by a thread [at this point JD would look at him icily and make a small animal noise] as it is. I'd say you've got about 30 seconds to give back that scrap of paper before things get messy in here."
JTT: [Backs away nervously] "I'd better call-"
Me: "Oh, don't worry. He's not violent, at least to other people."
And at this point JD would fake gag, slip the Alka-Seltzer he'd been palming into his mouth, start foaming, and then hold the small plastic jug of half-and-half he'd been palming in his other hand up to his eye, crush it, and squirt half-and-half all over the JTT.
Please bear in mind that in constructing this con, I have no specific psychosis in mind, intend no disrespect to the mentally disturbed (though I must admit it would be difficult not to be offended by my stereotypical remarks), and fully understand and regret that I am perpetuating the negative societal prejudices regarding mental illness. Mental illness is very real, and in many cases much more serious than physical illness. Indeed, it is becoming increasing clear that there need be no separation between the two categories.

Anyway, I chortled all the way home, chortled all night, and am still, painfully, chortling. JD, I love you, man. You are the cat's pajamas. Let's do this again, sometime.

The gentleman who pulled us out of the theater handled the situation in a professional manner. It could have been much worse. If he'd been confrontational, you can be my first reaction would have been to go to the web and make a big stink. Instead, he lulled us with free passes. As Kris noted last night, I'm meek when confronted with authority (unless I know my position is completely just), so I wasn't likely to make a big deal at the theater.

Still, I feel I ought to convey some of my impressions of the film. Keep in mind that, as the man said time and again, this is an unfinished film.

The movie opens with a huge paragraph of text describing the political climate in Europe: It's 1805! England is at war with France! Napoleon dreams of world domination! The war is played out at sea! Etc. Then we find ourselves walking through the bowels of a ship, watching the crew at sleep. Everything is peaceful. This opening seems too drawn-out for me, rather pointless. I would have preferred ten minutes of filmed exposition. (Joel disagrees; he thinks the opening worked well.)

Captain Jack Aubrey is summoned to the deck of the H.M.S. Surprise. One of his midshipmen believes he has spotted a sail amidst the fog which surrounds them. No. No. It turns out he's wrong. The crew goes about its business. Suddenly Jack sees a flash through the fog and he shouts, "Get down!" It is a broadside from another ship, and suddenly the Surprise is ripped by eighteen-pound balls. An action seen follows, during which the ship is heavily damaged. In the end, our heroes only escape by sailing into the Mutara Nebula, er, I mean the bank of fog.

After the crew refits the ship (and this takes several weeks), Jack orders the Surprise around the Cape and into the Pacific. What follows next is a truly exciting extended sequence in which: the other ship (the Acheron) once again ambushes the Surprise ("It's a phantom ship," says Killick), the Surprise evades her in the night by means of a decoy raft, then doubles back on the Acheron to gain the weather-gage, and then before the two ships can engage in broadsides, a violent storm erupts and the Surprise loses a mast. It's exciting stuff, if a bit too loud for Dave. :)

Soon the Surprise reaches the Galapagos Islands, and the doctor engages in great proto-Darwinian dialogue. It's hilarious to some of us because we know that the film is set fifty years before Darwin's groundbreaking trip to the Galapagos; the film-makers are having fun by setting up Stephen as a Darwin wannabe who never gets his chance. Alas, it is here that my summary must end because I did not see much more.

My reactions to the film are generally favorable. It has great potential. As I've said, I'd like more exposition instead of just jumping into the action. In particular, I felt that too much was just assumed in the relationship between Jack and Stephen, that the audience truly doesn't understand that these men are best friends. I don't want a half hour of life on land with Jack and Sophie and their children. Nor do I want to see how Jack and Stephen meet. (Well, I do, but not in the context of this film.) I just want a bit whereby we, the audience, can understand their relationship. I guess I want more of what Peter Jackson has done with The Lord of the Rings, introducing us to the friendships between the characters.

If the quality of the finished film is at or above the level of the work-in-progress that we saw, this is a film that I may eventually own on DVD. It's not a great film, but it's good, and it's fun. In particular, I loved to see the details about which I'd read but perhaps had not been able to visualize: the slow, creeping chases over the sea; the berths below-decks which, in battle, become the staging grounds for the ship's guns; the battles themselves, the flash of the powder, the crack of the guns; the rigging, the hourglass, the Captain's cabin, etc. All great.

Later, sitting under the apple tree, Kris asked us to grade the film. Dave gave it a B. I gave it a B+. Joel gave it an A — no! an A+! 100%! (These are the actual scores he gave it.) He seemed positively thrilled by it. It was good to see Joel gush about something, to express such a strong preference; he often gets on my case for doing the same. :)

j.d. - classic stuff. that story doesn't really work unless it's you playing yourself. no other person could fit that role quite like you can.

joel - "And at this point JD would fake gag, slip the Alka-Seltzer he'd been palming into his mouth, start foaming, and then hold the small plastic jug of half-and-half he'd been palming in his other hand up to his eye, crush it, and squirt half-and-half all over the JTT.

do you really think that con would have gotten you back into the movie? and if you say, "no, but it would have been funny anyway," i can only reply by saying you can plan to do that tomorrow to some other unsuspecting rube at a mall or some other public place, without even having a reason, and it still would be funny.

dave - long time no talk. hope you're doing well. i'm sure kirsten would ask me to say hi if she knew i were communicating with you, so i'll just go ahead and say hi for her.

Hi Rich (and Kirsten, by extension).

I second J.D.'s comment regarding the professionalism of escort man from the research company. He did his job well. On the other hand, he did seem to completely lack any and all personality. Not unpleasant, not pleasant, just very firmly there.

No amount of free passes would have lulled me out of a full-blown tantrum, especially if I'd been kicked out of a movie because of someone else's actions! No sir, they would rue the day they fucked with me, and I would be undoubtedly banned from the theater forever.

I guess I don't have much of a sense of humor about such things, but my sense of righteous indignation is well developed.

Which reminds me, I have a steaming hot letter of complaint to write to Avis rental cars...

yeah. hey all... hey rich, welcome back.

i'm with nikchick. my righteous indignation would've kicked off too. especially since i'm just about to the boiling point lately anyway with all the corrupt government/corporate stuff that's going down (and which i've been spending too much time reading about - http://www.whatreallyhappened.com). so had it been me in the screening of some crappy new hollywood blockbuster who got kicked out for writing instead of just consuming, i'd like to thing i would finally have gone postal. at least verbally. man, there's nothing i like more than screaming obscenities at a tool of the system in front of a lot of total strangers. that really does a fella good.

Well, although I can understand Nikchick and mart's sentiments, in all fairness, it was their movie, we were their guests, we had paid no money to see their movie and we were not embarassed when they pulled us out. It's also possible that had Joel and I strongly said that we wanted to go back, that we'd done nothing wrong even if J.D. (possibly) had and we shouldn't be punished for his mistake, that he may've let us back into the movie. But why make a fuss over it? My blood pressure is generally high enough as it is without getting too worked up over someone doing their job on something as inconsequential as a movie screening that I hadn't paid for. And besides, should Joel and I have gotten angry at the research company for not specifying that pen and paper was a "recording device" that they were forbidding, at the research company for not seizing aforementioned "recording device" when we went through the security screen, with ourselves for not realizing that pen and paper was a "recording device", or were we going to get angry with J.D. for taking notes with said recording device?

Now paying $3.75 for a medium Coke. That's an insult worth getting worked up about.

Rich,
Right, so the con would've ended with the JTT hurriedly handing JD the scrap of paper. JD would slowly calm down, I'd mop him off making soothing sounds and saying, "It's all right... take it easy... he's not going to take away the movie. Okay? Here, let's go sit down in the theater before you start bleeding from the ears again." And then I'd lead him by the hand back toward the theater.
Ideally, at that point, we'd sit down. AND get the free passes as hush-money.

I'm with Nicole on this one.

Yes, the guy is doing his job. But he's also being a completely humorless bureaucratic lump. I don't think that sort of behavior should be encouraged in a civilized society.

Granted, this is just a (free) movie. But I see people getting oppressed like this every day at work because someone has a procedure that they refuse to deviate from. And in dealing with my HMO. And in a hundred other ways. Small people in positions of relative authority inflexibly deciding when and why you get to do reasonable things. It's soul crushing over the long run. And it just gets worse and worse as time goes on.

What? Me? Bitter? Naaaaw! :)

What theater was the film previewed at in Portland and how did you hear about the sneak preview? I would have given anything to have been able to see the raw cut version of this film. Have read many POB novels and been waiting anxiously for this film to come out.

The film was previewed at Lloyd Cinemas outside of Lloyd Center. My wife and I received a flyer from a fellow who approached us outside of the Lloyd Center Theater (inside the mall) on Sunday when we went to see Johnny English (which is not as bad as the reviews have made it out to be, assuming that you are appreciative of Rowan Atkinson's style of humor). Given that we were probably the best dressed people he'd seen all afternoon, we probably fit the demographic better than most.

I'd like to point out that if the man who pulled us out of the theater had ever once asked me not to share my impressions, I would have complied with his request. Sure, by the very fact that he kicked me out for taking notes I might guess that he doesn't want stuff posted, but he never explicityly said as much.

Also, if he had said to me, "Hey — we noticed you're taking notes. Would you please stop?" I would have complied immediately because I did not want to miss the film. Similarly, if he had said, "I can't let you go back in unless you promise not to reveal anything that you've seen," I would have complied with that request as well.

None of this occurred, though, so I have no intention of taking any of this information away.

Well, he did say that they didn't want anyone to review the movie. Which, even though it's unfinished, and we only saw half of it, we've essentially done, complete with grades. And I revealed a little spoiler concerning the pudding.

Ain't It Cool News has some reviews from the Portland screening posted.

From reading one of the posts, it was apparent that our dismissal from the theater did not go unnoticed...

To borrow a comment from an Ain't It Cool review:
"Weir also takes his time in letting you get to know his captain and ships doctor. To me this worked very well. Each new scene between Crowe and Paul Bettany required a little more of both the characters and the actors, which builds to some very rewarding scenes."
This is along the lines of what I was feeling with Jack and Stephen's relationship in the beginning. We barely get more than a glimpse of Stephen's face during the first ten minutes, and his dialogue with Jack is very quiet and terse. As the movie progressed toward the middle, more of their relationship is established in a very gradual (and to me very natural) fashion.

Since the movie came out I've been feeling like we ought to follow up on this episode. JD, do you have a complete review of the film to share? I think my grade of A+ has been fulfilled and your B+ has been giving the laff it deserved.
One thing to note: the only scene I'm specifically aware of being cut for the final screening consisted of Jack swimming around the Surprise in a pair of loose trousers doing something crucially important, macho, and at the same time somehow vulnerable and nurturing- demonstrating the deep feeling he has for his vessel. The scene is capped off by a beefcake shot of him hauling himself back onto the deck which made me snort with laughter- possibly why they cut it?

JD can delete these later.