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07 April 2004 — The Doubtful Chef (8)

It's best if Kris is not around when I am cooking. My actions in the kitchen only make her tense.

I have a tendency to use twice as many dishes to prepare a meal than she would use. I create intermediary steps where none are needed. For example, yesterday, while making the Tater Tot Hot Dish, I diced an onion. Rather than just leave it on the cutting board until it was time to transfer the onion to the frying pan, I put the onion in a bowl. This not only created an extra dirty dish, it also created a mess when I spilled onion all over the counter.

Did I mention I'm clumsy?

I'm also doubtful. Kris has called me the Doubtful Chef. I'm never certain that what I'm doing is correct, that the food I'm preparing is supposed to look like it does. When I make the frosting for Texas Sheet Cake, the butter and the cocoa have a tendency to separate. This happens every time I make it, yet I still panic every time.

Kitchen-work always takes me twice as long as it ought. If a recipe says to allot thirty minutes of preparation time, I allot an hour. Jeremy can dice an onion in seconds. It takes me minutes. On my clam chowder recipe, I've written in big bold letters: PREPARE ALL INGREDIENTS BEFORE STARTING SOUP. Why? Because if I don't prepare all of the ingredients before starting the soup, I inevitably find myself chopping celery or draining clams when I should really be pulling the potatoes off so they don't get too soft. Yet every time, I try to start the soup before the ingredients are ready.

Yesterday I forgot to buy cream of mushroom soup for the Tater Tot Hot Dish. When it came time to add the soup, I had to choose between cream of chicken soup and tomato paste. I chose tomato paste. This indicates another problem with my culinary skill: I'm forgetful. Sometimes I forget to add ingredients. Or I forget if I remembered to add ingredients. When I made the Texas Sheet Cake for Chicken Noodle Fest, it didn't turn out quite right. I have forgotten how much baking soda to add — one tablespoon or one teaspoon. I remade the brownies.

I don't think I'm a bad chef (though I'm perfectly willing to be put straight in this regard), but I don't think I'm a good one, either. Like most other cooks, there are certain meals I know how to prepare, that I enjoy preparing. I'm confident of these dishes, and have little trouble making them. (Except when I forget to prepare all the ingredients before starting the clam chowder.)

My problem is that I like to try new recipes, and the first time I make each new recipe tends to be a disaster. I tried to make the Best Gingerbread Cookies Ever a few months ago. It was my first time. They didn't turn out well. I made Tater Tot Hot Dish last night. It was my first time. It didn't turn out well. (And, really: who ruins Tater Tot Hot Dish?)

Kris and I have an ongoing argument. She refuses to hold book group at our house on a day she works. She doesn't think I could handle the challenge of preparing a meal for twelve by myself. This, well, makes me angry. (Perhaps livid would be a better word.) I maintain that of course I could prepare a meal for twelve people by myself. I would simply fix something I know well, something that I couldn't possibly ruin.

Like frozen pizza.

This entry is significant in that I wrote it from start to finish without any revision. Normally, I have to move large chunks of text from here to there. I have to edit. I have to correct spelling. Today, I tried to edit in my mind. The entry started with the bit about Kris and me fighting over my cooking skills. Rather than write that first, I simply kept it in mind and wrote toward it rather than from it. This may seem trivial to you, but it's a writing breakthrough for me.

Comments
On 07 April 2004 (10:53 AM), Betsy said:

Hmmm...I'm betting you can apply the same kind of strategy (work it out in your head and then do) to cooking along with writing.

They both do get easier over time, and it does require a degree of confidence that's only bolstered by doing it over and over again, in my experience.


On 07 April 2004 (12:14 PM), Amy Jo said:

My rule(s) of thumb, especially for new recipes:

Always read through the entire recipe before starting the dish. Make sure that you have all the ingredients (or appropriate substitute ingredients) on hand. Prep the job before you start cooking--clean, cut, dice, measure, etc! I put ingredients into bowls (of varying sizes--love bowls) in the order that they go into the dish I am making. Clean up along the way, if possible. It is critical to stay ahead of the dish otherwise it can get away from you.

Appropriate substitutes vary. Obviously you do not want to use anything that will cause the recipe to fail. For example, you wouldn't want to substitute water for oil in a recipe. Water won't bind ingredients in the way that a fat will. Remember, cooking is chemistry! In the case of you tater tot hot dish, I suspect that the tomato paste was far too dry of a substitute for the dish, and depending upon how much of it you used, far too assertively tomato-ish. Perhaps if you had used tomato sauce the dish might have been more successful, although the flavor would have still been quite different from that of a dish that uses a cream soup.


On 07 April 2004 (01:34 PM), Joel said:

JD, in your case the secret ingredient is always Love.


On 07 April 2004 (06:27 PM), Denise said:

Regardless of whether or not it makes Kris tense, there is the added bonus that you actually cook.


On 07 April 2004 (08:43 PM), JENEFER said:

I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT YOU DON'T BRING YOUR BUSINESS KNOWLEDGE AND ACUMEN HOME WITH YOU AT THE END OF THE DAY. I AM SURE YOU WOULDN'T EVEN THINK OF STARTING TO PRODUCE A BOX ORDER WITHOUT HAVING FINISHED THE ORDER INCLUDING DIMENSIONS (ALL THREE), COLOR, LETTERING, MATERIAL WEIGHT, ETC. AND PRICING IT OUT. DO YOU START THE ASSEMBLY LINE BEFORE THE VENDORS HAVE DELIVERED ALL THE MATERIALS YOU WILL NEED? APPLY THE SAME TO COOKING AND YOU SHOULD BE A STEP CLOSER TO SUCCESS.

I AM GLAD TO HAVE THE BREAK IN MY DAY/NIGHT TO READ YOUR BLOG WHILE WAITING FOR THE RETURNS TO BE ACCEPTED ON EFILE.


On 08 April 2004 (10:01 AM), Courtney said:

Besides the fact that I do ALL the cooking at home and Andrew does NEARLY ALL the dishes, I find it helpful to start any culinary task with a large bowl of hot, sudsy water in the sink. That way it's easier to clean as you go and it makes life much easier on the dish washer.

I also read the whole recipe ahead of time and lay all the ingredients out on the counter to be sure I'm not missing anything.

Lately though, I have to admit, my cooking has regressed dramatically. I used to (in the not-too-distant-past) pride myself on my culinary prowess, creating dishes like Craig often makes (he's one of my culinary heroes).

I'm going through a phase where I can't be bothered. My big culinary undertaking this week was a box of Trader Joe's White Cheddar Mac-n-Cheese with tuna fish. (I did, of course, garnish it with fresh Italian parsely). And the second night I added salsa. Yum!


On 08 April 2004 (03:07 PM), Jeff said:

I would much rather cook than do the dishes, and Steph would rather do the dishes than cook; so, that is often what happens. But, she doesn't do the dishes without commenting on how I have to dirty every prep bowl and serving utensil that we own. I think that is just because I am a bit of a perfectionist when I cook, and I like every ingredient that I chop to have it's own place until it is time to add it to the mix.

I am glad Spring is here, because it means that I can use my grill to cook on. I have added some wood flavorizer pellets that are supposed to make things taste better, but the difference is subtle; if there is a difference at all.

I think I like grilling because the meals are simpler than what I make indoors. If I am cooking indoors, I like to do something like Filet Mignon with a pan sauce, using fresh herbs and spices, etc. and other Jeremy-esque recipes (from Caprial, Cooks Illustrated, etc).

When I grill, I usually do Hamburgers, Hot Dogs (Kosher beef only), chicken or steaks; along with a side of baked beans and maybe some grilled potatoes or onions.

Like JD, I often second-guess myself when trying a new recipe. When I am helping Jeremy with his dinner parties, I always have someone else to re-assure me if I think something isn't quite right (because he has usually made it before).

That is why I like Cooks Illustrated so well. I recently made a batch of their Oven French Fries, and they turned out perfect because every detail was discussed in the recipe.


On 12 April 2004 (08:47 AM), Lisa said:

Some recipes are poorly written; however, I can hardly count Tater Tot Hot Dish as one that requires clear instructions. What induced you to use tomato paste? It was in a can, just like Cream of Mushroom soup? What you need is a cookbook called The Forgetful Cook, which could provide reasonable substitutions for missing ingredients.


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