Ohmigod. When Kris Gates, paragon of truth, justice, and a drug-free America sides with the likes of Al-Qaeda, then you know:
They've Already Won.

Also, funniest thing I've heard today: 'She nudged the box, I guess to demonstrate what she meant by "jostled".'

So, you are saying that my gift will be late? Glass? glass? I was hoping for wood.

The USPS has gone crazy just like the airports. I use prepaid Priority envelops all of the time for work. You can put as much as you can fit in these things for $3.85. However, as of a few months ago, if you put over a pound of stuff in, you have to hand it to a USPS employee. This means I much drive to Post office and stand in line, only to hand over this envelope; No questions are asked, No X-rays are taken. When I asked why the new rule, I was told ‘To reduce the possibility of shipping a bomb.” As if looking at me when I had over the envelope is going to do a thing about reducing the possibility of me shipping a bomb.

My wife *regularly* gives me grief for forgetting something that she wants me to do during the day. You aren't alone. Speaking of which... I just remembered something I was asked to do!

Tiff: As if looking at me when I had over the envelope is going to do a thing about reducing the possibility of me shipping a bomb.

HA!

I felt exactly the same way. I'm not sure how knowing (or claiming to know) what is in your birthday package alleviates the possibility that a terrorist gave it to me to mail. The logic baffles.

This is much like asking me at the airport e-ticket check in whether anyone unknown to me has asked me to carry anything on the plane.

Hmmmmm. Let's see. If I'm just Joe Citizen, am I likely in this day and age to just out of the goodness of my heart transport something for a complete stranger? If I'm a terrorist and I want to smuggle a bomb on board a plane, under what circumstances would I answer "Yes" to the question as to whether anyone unknown to me has asked me to carry something on the plane? Oh, oh, I know! I could say, "No, I know my cousin's cousin Abdul very well and HE asked me to carry this package on board the plane. So no one unknown to me has asked me to carry anything on the plane." Or maybe, "No, I packed this bomb myself."

All of the USPS counter employees share something in common with our illustrious author--they were psychology majors in college. Therefore, they have been trained in the [soft] science of lie detection. When they ask what's in the package, they aren't listening to the answer, but HOW you answer. If there's anything shaky or unconvincing, then they've eliminated one more mail bomb. J.D., you missed your calling :)

I recently sent friends a couple of jars of jam. I wrote "fragile" on the outide of the package in large, bold black letters. The clerk wanted to know if any of the contents were liquids. This threw me into a tizzy because jam isn't a liquid yet it does weep a bit. Does the tsp of so of sugar syrup that often rises to the top of jam count as a liquid in the eyes of the USPS? I replied no, but maybe I lied . . .

The USPS has always had it out for the little guy. It supports the environmental destruction of our planet by allowing credit card applications and other big-business junk mail items to be stuffed in your mailbox for a mere 8-10 cents, while a highly desired personal letter will cost the sender 37 cents (40, if she supports breast cancer). And since all of this junk mail is "presorted" (the justification for the lower price), it never has to go thru routine postal security. Visa and Mastercard could be sending anthrax to millions while private citizens are being harassed at the counter for sending innocent glass birthday gifts! it is almost as bad as farm subsidies, but don't get me started!!

:)

The really scary thing...?

This conversation is being noted by some computer at the NSA.

"Your tax dollars at work."

Buy the way, I feel much safer now that Cat Stevens is being sent back to London. NOT. And how do you think the people of Maine feel, he was too big of a treat to land in DC, but he could land in Maine??

I think that they diverted the plane to Bangor Airforce Base. Ain't never been there, but they tell me it's nice. I've heard it's miles away from anything even remotely important and has lots of runways. That's why they divert flights there. They did the same thing right after 9/11/01 as well. High security, a long ways away from populations of any significant size and a decently sized base.

I'm so sorry your wife is a terrorist - that's bound to cause trouble later on in all sorts of situations. :-)

Found your blog today . . . cool.

JD,

You claim that you were "thwarted by the ever-vigilant United States Postal Service."

Not to be harsh, but I think you were thwarted by your own stubborn adherence to the literal truth.

When asked, "Will it break if it's jostled around?" you might have considered the following:

1. Kris, your wife, packaged the contents
   
2. Kris, your wife, is smart
   
3. Smart people understand that glass is fragil
   
4. Smart people package fragil objects appropriately for shipping
   

Furthermore, when asked, "What's inside the box?" you might have answered decorative glass art. This answer is likely not false and is instructive enough to convince anyone in the post 9/11 world that it won't blow up an airplane.

My friend, we live in a complicated world that calls for thinking in the long view. Bear this in your oft Libertarian mind as you cast your vote.

So, am I correct in thinking then, that the appropriate response from JD would've been to just simply make something up and therefore lie? My God! Lying to the United States Postal Service?!?! It sounds vaguely seditious.

Subvert the Dominant Paradigm!

simply make something up and therefore lie?

I doubt that there is anything false in my suggested replies. However, that is not the point. The point is that the question the postal officer really asked was, "Is there a weapon of mass destruction in this package?" Clearly the correct answer is 'no'. Perceiving the message beneath the words would have expedited the delivery of this package. Rather like Plato's forms, really.

simply make something up and therefore lie?

I doubt that there is anything false in my suggested replies. However, that is not the point. The point is that the question the postal officer really asked was, "Is there a weapon of mass destruction in this package?" Clearly the correct answer is 'no'. Perceiving the message beneath the words would have expedited the delivery of this package. Rather like Plato's forms, really.

Excellent. I recently mailed a package of plants to South Dakota. They were Hens and Chicks and other succulent type things, so I just rolled them up in paper and tossed them in a box.

A few days later, I got a call from a postal employee who supervises a sorting center, who explained that people were worried because the box was leaking some powdery substance.

I explained that they were plants, the substance was dirt, and apologized for the alarm it may have caused. She told me that she would put the box in a bag to avoid other questions along the way.

However, it's the same problem: if the box had been stuffed with anthrax, would I really have confessed? It seems so strange.

Besides, I had no idea that a post office employee would just give a person a call like that.

Or more to the point, how did they know your phone number?

Good question.