Readers of Things Magazine can find my War of the Worlds comments here.

I walked to the grocery store this morning. I was craving breakfast cereal, but we didn't have any Sugar Smacks in the house, and we didn't have any milk. Because I had nothing better to do, and because I'm on a quest for the perfect breakfast cereal, I looked at the nutrition information for every cereal in Safeway. I forgot my quest for Sugar Smacks. What'd I buy instead? Kellogg's All-Bran bran buds. (That sounds vaguely obscene, doesn't it?)

Take a gander at this nutrition information for a one-third cup serving: 70 calories, 1g fat, 200mg sodium, 24g carbohydrates (of which 13g!! are fiber), and 2g protein. Any of you who have ever tracked calories can appreciate just how mind-boggling Kellogg's All-Bran bran buds are.

Any normal human would need at least two servings to feel remotely sated. If you stretched to have a triple serving, you'd still only be eating 210 calories (plus milk, of course) and getting a whopping 39g of fiber. All your daily fiber at breakfast!

During the twenty minute walk home, I conceived a diet built around Kellogg's All Bran bran buds and solid white tuna (mixed with ketchup — yum!). (Solid white tuna is another miracle diet food. One six-ounce can of Bumble Bee brand solid white albacore tuna in water has 175 calories, 2.5g fat, and 38g protein.) I call this regimen the Diet of the Four Fs: fiber, fruit, fish, and leaf.

Fiber
The cornerstone to this diet is fiber, particularly in the form of Kellogg's All-Bran bran buds. Participants are also encouraged to eat beans. Lots of beans. It's a good thing I love beans, because under this new program I'll be eating lots of Campbell's bean with bacon soup, Nalley original chili with beans, Bush's baked beans, etc.

Fruit
I used to believe that fruit juice was good for me; now I know that's just not true. Fruit juice is a scam. Pay attention, mothers! Fruit juice is no better than soda. You may as well give your kids Mountain Dew as give them apple juice. Seriously. Fruit, on the other hand, has all sorts of magical properties. Especially berries.

Fish
Fish is awesome. It's a great low-fat source of protein. And have you ever heard of "mad fish disease"? Neither have I. Still, it's not something that Kris and I have ever fixed for ourselves, so it's going to take some time to get in the habit. Meanwhile, I'm perfectly content gorging myself on solid white tuna (mixed with ketchup — yum!).

Leaf
Ah, yes — leafy greens. I actually like leafy greens (which is surprising considering I dislike most vegetables). However, as with fish, I never prepare leafy greens for myself. This aspect of the diet is going to be a challenge. Maybe I can make some psuedo-Thai wraps: fill lettuce or spinach leaves with tuna (mixed with ketchup — yum!).

I know this diet sounds awful, but it's filled with foods I enjoy eating, and it's good for me. It's even moderately low in sodium. (Even when I'm dieting I have dreadfully high sodium intake.) Today I had three servings of Kellogg's All-Bran bran buds, two cans of Bumble Bee brand solid white albacore tuna in water, an ear of corn, and a bag of M&Ms. Mostly healthy, and I feel great!

(M&Ms are fruit, in case you're wondering.)

On this day at foldedspace.org

2003 — Angles   Now that my recovery is fully underway, my thoughts have returned to photography.

2002 — Self Control   All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.