On our recent backpacking trip, it became clear that I have an irrational fear of bears. I'd love to do some solo hiking, but I'm convinced that if I did, I'd be eaten by a bear. Possibly by two bears. Or three. I can imagine a family of bears stalking me from trailhead to campsite, plotting the best way to eat me.
I have no idea where I gained an irrational fear of bears. (Too much Reader's Digest?) This has led me to consider the things that scared me when I was younger, such as:
- Headless chickens — When I was a young boy (two? three? four?), my parents raised chickens. When the time came to "harvest" the birds, my aunt and uncle came over to help cut off their heads and to pluck them. I was traumatized. I wailed and begged Dad not to cut my head off.
- That Dr. Seuss pants story (what is it called?) — When I was five or six, nothing frightened me more than those disembodied pants chasing the poor fuzzy creature all across Seuss-land. Amazon calls this story "a slightly spooky adventure involving a pair of haunted trousers"; I call it a nightmare.
- The missing thumb — Around the time of the haunted pants, my family travelled to Sweet Home to see my cousin Ron play in a high school football game. It was my first high school football game. I remember a player being taken from the field by ambulance. I also remember — and here my memory may be faulty — that the injured player had his thumb ripped off. In my mind, I can see the athlete loaded onto the back of the ambulance, a paramedic carrying the severed thumb by a string. (This last image is almost surely false, but it's what I remember.)
- Augustus Gloop up the chocolate pipe — This is probably the single most frightening experience of my childhood. My parents took me to see Willy Wonka in the theater. What a delight: a wonderland of candy! A river of chocolate! But what's this? Augustus Gloop sucked up a huge pipe? Time to quake with fright, little boy!
- Papillon — I'm still baffled as to why my parents thought it was okay to take me to see this. (What were you thinking, Mom? Couldn't you find a babysitter?) All I know is that I was haunted for years by the guillotine scene: endless nightmares of beheaded men (and cabbages).
- Where the Red Fern Grows — My father took me to see the film when I was in grade school, and it was a little scary. Then I read the book. Ugh. As a fourth-grader, I could handle Tolkien with no problem, but the blood-bubble coming out of Ruben's mouth when he falls on his axe was just Too Much. It scarred me.
- Chris Watson poking his eye out — Soon after the Watsons moved to town (I was in sixth grade maybe), Chris stabbed his eye with a pocket knife while whittling in the wrong direction. He used to make my flesh crawl by recounting the story, embellished more each time until — in retrospect — it was beyond belief: "They took my eyeball out of the socket and set it on a table to work on it. But it was still attached to my head by a bunch of muscles and stuff, and I could look around like normal." Ewww.
- Alien — This is now one of my favorite films. The first time I saw it, though, it scared the shit out of me.
- Salem's Lot — I was a late-comer to Stephen King. I read Salem's Lot sometime during my sophomore year of college. It spooked me. At one point an undead vampire boy comes scratch scratching at his best friend's window — I had to put the book down at this point and leave it for days. Yikes.
Last night, Dave and I took Mitch out for Chinese food at Imperial Garden. I had a fantastic chicken curry. (Since when is that a Chinese dish, by the way?) I also drank an entire pot of tea (possibly more). After dinner, we sipped Laphroaig 15-year for a bit. My poor body. It feels as if its been dragged through a battlefield, a mighty clash between the caffeine and the alcohol: "Stay awake! Go to sleep! Stay awake! Go to sleep!" This morning, I want to let the "go to sleep" contingent declare victory, but I can't.
As I was cleaning my desk yesterday, I found a pair of quotes I meant to post a couple of weeks ago. These are both from Kris, and both from July 5th. They work best when read together
Rhonda had to work on a body today that had been in a barrel for three years. Celeste had a bad day, too. Her car was stolen last night.
Ah, life at the Crime Lab. (Celeste's car was recovered, by the way, which isn't particularly good news for the criminal(s). If you steal a car from somebody who works at the Crime Lab, you've got a greater chance of getting caught than if you were to steal from anyone else.)
On this day at foldedspace.org
2004 — House Update: Painting When we left our heroes, they had begun painting their new house. As the action picks up, Kris stays home from work on Monday to do more painting.
2003 — J.D. in Slumberland In which a century-old comic strip is enough to give me nightmares.
Do colored bears scare you more? Maybe purple or orange or even gray bears.