How, then, can I maintain a sense of wholeness, a sense of identity?

Try Lexapro 10mg.

Also, carry that wading pool everywhere you go. A sort of large plastic string-tied-round-the-finger.

I buy the idea that disorientation can cause a sort of chronic low-grade stress, and I suppose emotional disorientation is as real as any other kind. Hmm, this may also correlate to the fact that you just haven't found the time to do much traveling in your life.

This is why I say that growing up in a military family has totally messed me up. I have no sense of home, of place, of roots. (or direction, as most of you know) I lack that sense of geographical self that Jd describes. My memory of childhood and is so vague that sometimes it scares me-- I think it has been weakened by so many houses, so many streets, so many school, so may friends that were left when we moved again. Fortunately, Jd's circle of friends have been so welcoming over the years that I can sometimes overcome my problems!

Sorry for the typos-- trying to talk with my supervisor about per-fluorotributylamine mass spectroscopy at the same time was a mistake.

not to mention that you were using the computer for non-state-related business :) Your supervisor should be ashamed for letting you get away with it:)

Paul and I have recently been revisiting our life in Alexandria, talking about places and people who we grew very fond of. We consider ourselves lucky to have lived there and think of it very fondly even though we were only there for 4 years. One thing has become very clear to us since moving back to our beloved Portland, we miss the smallness and intimacy of Alexandria.

Even though Alexandria is within the DC metro area, it has an identity of its own. It is older than DC, has its own history, and folks are from there and live their lives out there, which is notable in an area known for transiency. It is a remarkablely beautiful town with outstanding and distinctive historical architecture. There are cobbled streets lit by gaslights. There is one public high school. It is very much a "smallish" town within a larger metro area. More important than the beauty and history of the place is that you know people and they know you. But unlike many medium-sized or small towns, the population is very cosmopolitian and diverse, and highly educated. In some ways, it was the best of both worlds. Both Paul and I grew up in small towns and it was the non-comsopolitaness of my town that made me want to leave.

Note: There are problems in Alexandria, no doubt. There is poverty and inequality unlike I've seen before. I can't really say understood class until I moved there because growing up in Oregon I didn't have a concept of immense wealth or great poverty. I always felt like my family was well off, not rich, but well off. My father was a high school principal. My mom stayed at home. We were fine, but in retrospect I can see where my parents were squeezed and constanly made sacrifices for their family.

Anyhow, getting back to Alexandria. We miss the small-town nature of the town. We love Portland and couldn't wait to move back, but now we realize that we both value a place that is smaller, more intimate. Perhaps when we get to know our new neighborhood better we'll feel more a sense of place and kinship with those we live near. But, we don't feel it yet. We can both imagine moving out of Portland in the next five years, somewhere smaller but still in Oregon. The question remains, where? Where can be find a smaller town cosmpolitian enough to feel like home?

Maybe it is the fact that you do not see your little brother as much anymore.

You must remember my big brother I am a fungus. The type of fungus that you do not spray to get rid of but the type of fungus that you let grow to complete a natural balance in life.

I'm a fungus, I'm a fungus, I'm a fungus

Let me spread and reap terror on the world!

ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Oh Tony, you're such a fun guy...

Very interesting. I can identify--having grown up in the Canby and Zion communities and feeling as if they will always be a part of me. Unlike you, I left for 15 years and formed a somewhat separate identity, but then returned to attempt reconnection. I've been meditating on similar issues of identity and place. It certainly seems plausible to me that your malaise is due to uprootedness. Thankfully, malaise can be a tragedy or a prelude to growth or destruction, hopefully growth.
Makes me think of a friend who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder after an accident--I guess it's caused by having an emotional memory of an event, even though the actual memory is suppressed. The therapy as I understand (or misunderstand) it is to reconstruct as much memory of the actual event as possible so that the emotions can deal with it.
If you want to think about community more, I'd recommend reading (or re-reading) some Wendell Berry, poetry or fiction (not essays so much). While I think he sees identity with a place as a primary allegiance (which I don't think works for everyone), he does have some good insights on how people relate in communities or origin, as opposed to communities of choice or interest.
Or you could read Flannery O'Connor to see a harsher--but still loving, I posit--view of community. But then you might have had enough Flannery for a while. We'll see.