Dishpan Dribble

Depression, illness, motherhood

Doc Childre and Howard Martin, The HeartMath Solution
Our mental and emotional diets determine our overall energy levels, health and well being to a far greater extent than most people realize. Every thought and feeling,no matter how big or small, impacts our inner energy reserves.

Well I must say my mental and emotional diet is quite poor. I cannot shake this terrible sore throat. My neck looks like a snake that's just swallowed a mouse.I am so tired. When I get sick I get depressed. I imagine all sorts of things and all of them seem real.

One thing I have not imagined, that is causing me untold frusteration, is that I have lost this entry twice now and have had to retype it. Oh don't say I should have saved. It was the saving process that lost the whole thing. I hate computers! I have now been thrown even further into depressions abyss. One can only take so much. I mean, here I am sick! Does this computer have to act up now? Why must all of life come crashing down at one time? Oh and get this! Wally, with precision timing, has chosen now to end his afternoon naps! Thats right. No naps. Now what do I do? I'll never have time alone.

I am depressed. I'm tired of being sick. I've got to get well. When I was younger I used to be depressed a lot. This lasted till I was in my mid twenties. I'm talking deep month long bad depressions. In fact, I believe that most of my teen age years were spent in the clutches of a deep emotional and pshycological depression.

I now live my life with only vague memories of the former me. But then I get sick! And bang! I remember. Depression haunts my every step. Its just waiting on me to get vulnerable and then it moves in for the kill. I'm vulnerable. It has moved in!

The work is so far behind. The funny thing is that I really believe that Greg went to work this morning congratulating himself on the fine job he did this weekend. I don't think he has a clue about all the chores he left undone. One of the most pressing is Anna Lise's spelling. Her test is tomorrow and I have not studied the words with her even once. Matter of fact, her entire homework pamphlet is due tomorrow and nothing has been done.

I just heard the neighbor lady talking to Wally. I get up to look out the window and there is my son, butt naked, walking down the drive to retrieve his sisters shoes. This isn't how I thought my life would be! All my fanciful dreams of motherhood; not one of them included my son running around with his wee wee hanging out! Not one! Oh mothers to be, come to me and I will tell you what motherhood is really like!

Oh mercy. he has now donned sister shoes and is clomping up and down clothed in naught but shirt and shoes. Where, oh where, is his mother?

Posted by tammy at September 29, 2003 12:51 PM | TrackBack