Ok listen up everybody. I won the most expensive prize of the night at our harvest festival! That's right. Bet you can't guess what it was.
Okay, okay hold your pretty horses. I'll tell you.
I won two tickets to the Blazer game; seats smack dab across from the Blazer bench and just up from the ground floor! It included a parking pass and a ride on the Max train!
Greg and I love going to Blazer games. We usually get tickets through his job and there always really good seats but nothing quite this good. Now don't bother telling me that the Blazers are a bunch of losers and everyones on drugs and all that. I know that but I love their games anyway.
Wally never did take a nap so he had to be brought home and put to bed by dad at about 7:45 pm. He conked out quick as lightening. When I got home I went in to check on him and he was sound asleep with a lollipop stuck head first on his quilt; stick in the air. It was so sweet. I don't know why Greg let him go to bed with candy but it sure made a cute picture!
Anna Lise is curled up in her pooh blanky by the fire watching some take on Wizard of Oz. I gotta run downstairs and get her to bed. Everyone else is asleep. My brother spent the night again tonight. He's going to be working in the area tomorrow so he wanted to stay close.
It was a wonderful Halloween. Now I must get back on my diet! Goodnight to one and all.
On days like Halloween I am glad I have kids. I took Wally to the mall and let him ride the train and the carasel,( shoot I can't figure out how to spell it and I don't want to look it up) then came home in time to roll him into bed before the party tonight. He knows there is party and now he's too excited to sleep. What a awful twist that is! If he don't sleep he wont be fit to go to the party! He's too young to understand that. I should have never told him!
Anna Lise meanwhile is so wired that she's swinging from the chandeliers and making so much noise it's not helping Wally at all!
But it's fun, nonetheless. There excitement is contagious!
Happy Halloween everyone! Stay safe and eats lots of candy!
I'm so tired. I really don't know why. I am just exhausted. Anna Lise goes to Awanas on Thursday night. It is a Bible club that meets down the street and they win badges for their little uniforms and such; quite like girl scouts.
The lady that teacher helps in her class is one of my best friends. She confidentially took me aside last night and told me that she and my other girlfriend make sure they get Anna Lises book every week because if they don't she wouldn't pass. They have her say her verses to them and her pledges and they basically let her skim by because her mother is not going over the lessons and memory things with her at home. They are initialing her book as if it were done when in fact it hasn't even been cracked open all week!
Hellooo! I can't be all things to all people! The only way I'm going to get that in is to incorporate it with her homeschooling somehow! What does everyone think? That I sit around and eat bon bons all day? Not!
My older daughter called last night and is in need of gas money. I try to get it through her head that gas money needs to come out of her check first not last! Without gas there will be no way to get to work to make money. Sounds like her husbands boss got audited from years back and has to pay back taxes making the business basically nonexisitent. Her husband is looking for a new job! Another thing for me to worry about!
On the baby front we have Wally eating nothing but candy for supper last night, He had about 4 bites of jello and then on to the candy. Where under the sun is his mother?
Anna Lise tells me last night that she will be singing "Five little pumpkins sitting in a row," at school this morning. She wants me to go hear her. I must call the school and find out if this is so. If it is I'm off to hear her sing then on to Party City to buy stuff for Shellys baby shower next Thursday. I also need to buy some jeans for Anna Lise.
Greg is scarecly speaking with me and I can't even remember what about now. It's been going like this for about three days. Oh I remember now. He called from work Monday and I snipped him off asking him what he wanted. He thought that I didn't want to talk to him so he said he didn't want anything! Good-bye! The reality was that I was very busy when he called and whatever he had to say I wanted him to say quickly so I could get back to work.
You know that's the thing about working at home. The people that are "at work" think that if they have a break or lunch hour in which to call me that I should always be available. After all, I'm home all day with nothing to do!
Hello! I have a schedule too. I have inconvenient times too; babies are slung over my arm, bare bottoms in the air, while I get a persistent phone. Pots are boiling over on the stove while someone on the other line informs me that they wish they could have a life like mine. Kids are throwing bath water all over the bathroom while friends call to tell me about their bad day at work. Wallys smearing poop all over the toilet ring in an attempt to wipe himself while I run grab the phone before it wakes the household. It's someone asking if I would watch their kids for a couple hours as they are just totally bushed from work the day before. Sure bring them over. I just stay home all day with nothing to do remember?
People always assume that I belong to the PTA because of my involvement in Anna Lises schooling. Afraid not. I don't have time for the PTA. I'd love to join because it would look good in my obituary, but no, I don't belong to the PTA.
My girlfriends feel strongly that I should be helping out at Awanas. Last night one of them begged me to stay. I just looked at her and answered her honestly, " I positively don't want to stay and I have no time for things that I don't want to do if I don't have to!" Bless my friends. They put up with so much from me. They really need their own badge for forbearance and longsuffering!
Well I'm off to call the school and mount the old merry-go-round for another day. Today I think I'll ride the ostrich. It's painted so pretty.
My brother and his wife and my dad all came for dinner last night. It was a fun time but I was so exhausted from my week of babysitting I was almost too tired to function.
I made an herb bread and a pumpkin pie earlier in the day. For dinner I made baked chicken and stuffing, mashed potaotes and mushroom gravy and broccolli. I served this with the bread and pie. We finished dinner at 7:00 which is very late for us. I didn't get any homeschooling done. The kids went to bed at seven- thirty and I spent the rest of the evening cleaning up.
Everyone else went to bed at about 8:30pm. At 9:00 I went upstairs to watch The Batchlor and my Dad followed me into the room. Poor man. I wouldn't let him talk while my show was on. He can talk on and on about everything and nothing. His stories are usually very entertaining but I have been keeping track of Bob, the batchlor, for weeks now and nothing tears me away from that show!
Recently I have been recommending The Red Tent to everyone I meet. It's such a wonderful book that I cannot take part in any conversation about books without extolling the wonders of this incredible story. I want people to read this so badly that I have now gone to Amazon and stolen a review on it. I am not leaving the link on my site lest you are too lazy to click on it. Instead I'm posting the review right here. When you are done with the review head straight to Amazon or your local library and get this book.
The Red Tent
The red tent is the place where women gathered during their cycles of birthing, menses, and even illness. Like the conversations and mysteries held within this feminine tent, this sweeping piece of fiction offers an insider's look at the daily life of a biblical sorority of mothers and wives and their one and only daughter, Dinah.
Told in the voice of Jacob's daughter Dinah (who only received a glimpse of recognition in the Book of Genesis), we are privy to the fascinating feminine characters who bled within the red tent. In a confiding and poetic voice, Dinah whispers stories of her four mothers, Rachel, Leah, Zilpah, and Bilhah--all wives to Jacob, and each one embodying unique feminine traits.
As she reveals these sensual and emotionally charged stories we learn of birthing miracles, slaves, artisans, household gods, and sisterhood secrets. Eventually Dinah delves into her own saga of betrayals, grief, and a call to midwifery.
"Like any sisters who live together and share a husband, my mother and aunties spun a sticky web of loyalties and grudges," Anita Diamant writes in the voice of Dinah. "They traded secrets like bracelets, and these were handed down to me the only surviving girl. They told me things I was too young to hear. They held my face between their hands and made me swear to remember."
Remembering women's earthy stories and passionate history is indeed the theme of this magnificent book. In fact, it's been said that The Red Tent is what the Bible might have been had it been written by God's daughters, instead of her sons. --Gail Hudson
I feel like a chicken with it's head cut off. I recall butchering chickens when I was a girl. I was always fascinated by their headless bodies flopping through the apple orchard. Little did I know that as I grew older I too would flop in a million different directions, only with my head on instead of lying open eyed and bleeding at the base of some stump.
There is just too much to do around here all the time. My girlfriend came over the other day and the conversation turned to scheduling and housework. Not too surprising since we are both stay at home moms and homeschoolers. She was frusterated because she was operating without a schedule.
I, on the other hand, have a written schedule and am still frusterated. It's nice to know that whatever is on my schedule ususally gets done but there's just so much that don't get done. I schedule loosely using no time limits.
My schedule reads like this:
Monday: weekend straightening, clean Wallys room
Tuesday: wash kitchen woodwork, counters and floor
Wednesday: clean Anna Lises room
Thursday: clean upstairs living room
Friday: clean my bed and bath
Saturday: Clean kids bath, upstairs bath and laundry room
You will notice that the downstairs living room, playroom, guestroom, my study, and Gregs study are not even listed, to say nothing of the wide staircase and long hallway upstairs. Of course the meal times and dishes afterward are not included. Every day the floor gets mopped but it is listed on Tuesday because that day I get down on my hands and knees and get into tiny corners and such. Homeschooling is done every day and it too is not listed.
There is also no mention of laundry. I do laundry every single stinkin day! Then there's ironing. I iron all of Anna Lises clothes and Gregs work t-shirts. I wear dresses most of the time so everything combined makes gobs of ironing. Then there's the mending, and right now the sewing on of Awanas badges, that needs done.
There is no day to clean the entry at the bottom of the stairs or the play area downstairs or the downstairs hall. These things just automatically get done everyday. There's no mention of window washing.
About once every two weeks I have a "windex day". I spend several hours going over all the mirrors and windows and sliding glass doors and glass table tops, glass tv screens, glass lamp fixtures etc.
Then I have my "headless vacuum cleaning day" that is not scheduled either. This is the day the head comes off the vacuum and all the ledges and corners and walls and stove hearth and anything and everything imaginable gets the blunt end of the vacuum treatment. Of course the walls get an attachment put onto the blunt end. I do this every other week also. Ok so you do it every week. I know I know. This every other weekstuff should be done more often but you know what? I just don't have the time! End of story!
I also set aside a day to sort toys about once a month. This does not get done on a weekly basis when the rooms are cleaned. The best thing about having a schedule is the knowledge that if I'm cleaning the kids rooms or play areas in a hurry I don't need to worry about sorting out broken things or old McDonald toys. I know it will get done at least once every few weeks. I never let it go for long or it becomes an ovewhelming task!
And speaking of McDonald toys. The kids play with those on their way home in the car and as soon as we're home they go in the garbage. Of course theres always the stray one that ends up in the house! sigh
And now to the outside work! Naw! I'll spare you the gruesome details but you may have noticed that none of the gardening and canning and yard work have been mentioned. They have to fit in somewhere.
Any body see where I could cut corners or be more efficient? I would love some input on this schedule. I'll share it with my friend and maybe we can both stay on top of things for once!
Help help help! I'm flopping! I'm dying! I'm squawking! Heeeelllp!
I'm rethinking my Halloween plans. They are predicting temperatures in the 20's with lots of wind! Not nice! Some friends were coming over for their yearly ritual of supper and trick or treating in the neighborhood behind us but I think I'm going to call it off. It's going to be much too cold.
We're having a harvest festival at the church and I think I'll take the kids there instead. At 8:30 they are doing door prizes and giving away digital cameras, dvd players gift certificates to restaurants etc. Sounds like a much warmer place to be and maybe a more lucrative place to be! :)
Last night I attended a fashion show put on by a resale shop here in our town. It was a lovely evening with friends and finger foods galore.
You know, there's just nothing like friends. I am blessed with friends, lots and lots of them. I have so many friends in part, because I've pretty much stayed in one place my adult years. I live just down the road from where I attended college, I go to a church of about 1000 people and I have belonged to the citys Moms club for 4 years. This all helps with getting to know people.
I never go to the grocery store but what I see people I know. I love my friends. There are the acquaintance type friends, the hi, how are ya doing type friends, the stop in the aisle and gab for 10 minutes type friends, and then there's the grab a cuppa coffee and spill your guts type friends.
My life is rich with friends and family. My life is full and busy. And this brings me to the point of this entry-- The online people I have met. Some I feel an immediate bonding with. I read their blogs and immediately bookmark them. Now I'm sure it's not hard for my daily reader to figure out which kind I read.
I like the everyday down to earth type people on the net. I never read political blogs. I hate them. When I read a blog I want to know what's on people hearts and minds, what's going on with the relationships in their lives; kids, husbands, and friends.
In perusing through blogs I have discovered a lot of lonely people. There are people who have no real life friends, but have a lot of friends on-line. Then there are the people who have no friends anywhere! They just daily blog their dull and boring lives.
One blog I read the guy repeatedly says he hates life. He'd sooner go to work on Monday than go to bed at night cause he's all alone. He goes out on walks through the town at night just to see people but nobody talks to him. He just wants out of his lonely apartment. Nobody ever comments on his blog. It's obvious he's an alchoholic, and so very much alone.
For some reason I'm fascinated by his blog. I have never known loneliness and boredom like his. I'm fascinated in a gruesome kind of way. It's reading about humanity in a depth I've never been privy too.
Other blogs are tedious mindless accounts of things nobody is interested in. When I see these blogs with no obovious activity I start looking for real life friends mentioned in there. They are sadly missing. But some of these kind of people have busy internet lives that they refer to quite often. Why don't they have real life friends?
This whole entry comes from a post dowingba made in my comments to another entry. He said that in visiting the city of Montreal there was so much to do, compared to the little town he was from, that he considered giving up blogging. I pondered that.
I wonder how many people blog because they are bored with their lives. Not to say that dowingba is bored. It's just that it was his comment that got me to thinking.
I guess I knew in a vague sort of way that there were people out there that don't lead rich and busy lives but I never got to really see that until I started reading blogs. My heart goes out to those people.
I cannot even begin to fathom what life would be like if I couldn't call a friend to come visit me when I'm feeling blah; if there were no one with whom I could share my heart with. I have so many deep and meaningful relationships in my life that I just took for granted other people did too.
I wish I could tell these lonely people to get off the computer and go make some real friends. No matter how many friends one has in cyber space it cannot begin to compare to the friendships one makes in real life.
My heart just goes out to all the lonely people!
As you all know, Greg went crab fishing Saturday. I was feeling more than a little down. I mean, the man's gone 12 hours a day. When he's gone on Saturdays the day just seems to drag.
I homeschooled Anna Lise for an hour and then grew restless. I let her go play. I couldn't concentrate. I wondered around the house trying to do some laundry and cleaning. The restlessness turned to tiredness. In a gallant effort to fight off my slagging spirits I mowed the yards and finished transplanting the last of the perennials.
I decided to tackle the car. I cleaned it out and while I was vacumming some girls from church stopped by looking for pop cans for missions. I stopped to talk to them and ended up giving them a tour of my house. Now when my house is clean it's a marvel of color and beauty. But my house wasn't clean.
Notice in the paragraph above I stated that I tried to do some cleaning? I didn't get much accomplished. Now here I was giving a tour of my place and noticing everything that needed done.
Anna Lise had not made her bed that morning. I had made mine but the kids had tumbled on it. The TV was still blaring in my room and Wallys hammer lay on my bed in silent testimony of just who had been in there.
In Wallys room the shelf of his changing table was broken and lying all cockeyed on the shelf below. He had climbed the shelves to watch me mow the yard from his window. In the bathroom a stool was pulled up to the toilet and the ring was up. At the base of the stool laid a tiny pair of white underwear. Wally had obviously taken himself potty.
The glass sliding door had crayon scribbled on it. In the kitchen the floor was littered with peanut shells from the kids gallant efforts to feed the blue jays. Half eaten yogurt sat on the bar; one tiny cup at each bar stool.
Upstairs couch pillows were strewn hither and yon and as we surveyed the room Anna Lise pops her head up from behind a huge chair. She wasn't dressed. She had been hiding. Luckily the playroom was clean having been cleaned by me at about 11 the night before.
When the girls left I took note of all the work. It was overwhelming. I laid Wally down for a nap and took a nap myself. Oh sweet oblivion!
I awoke before Wally and went back out to wash the car. The day drug. Wally awoke and I went out with him so he could ride his bike. In the neighborhood I met two other mothers whose husbands were gone. Thye were just getting ready to go the haunted house and mini carnival that had been set up for kids at one of the towns unused schools.
I came back in and called the kids together. We were going to the haunted house too. Anna Lise cried cause she didn't have a costume to wear and the neighbor girl had "stolen" her idea of being Belle. So on our way we stopped by K Mart and soon had her decked out as the genie in Aladdin.
On to the haunted house where Anna Lise played games while Wally ate hot dogs. We never actuallly went in the haunted house. The kids got too scared when a skeleton came riding by in a scooter. Both of them dove behind me crying. All Wally could talk about the rest of the night was the scarey man. Poor kid.
We arrived home to find that Greg was back with 12 beautiful crab. I immediately called my three brothers that lived close and we met today for a crab feed. The weather being balmy we all ate on the deck. My sister in laws brought potroast and deserts. Not everyone liked crab. We spent several hours just visiting outside while the kids watched Anne of Green Gables upstairs.
It was an afternoon of good food, good fellowship, lots of jokes and laughter and just plain old relaxation. We discussed Thanksgiving plans, Shellys baby shower, my sister in laws plans to go into nursing, and my brother desribed the grueling test he had taken for his builders license. It was fun; brothers and sisters enjoying a late autumn afternoon together.
Tonight before coming up to write this entry, that will be posted tomorrow I surveyed my kitchen; my old red cobbler apron flung across a chair, jello, smeared by baby fingers on the window by the table, nut crackers drying in the rack, unused paper cups waiting to be put away and my husbands empty wine glass beside the bar sink. (He finds these get togethers a little taxing) Over all was the pervasive smell of crab. It had been a good weekend.
Greg just called and said he's going crabbing out at Astoria with some friends tomorrow. Now my mind is churning on how the kids and I can go out later and we could all spend the night.
Hmmmm. Think, think, think!
Wally and I went to school and had lunch with Anna Lise. After that I went to the store and this is what I bought: a toy gun, tack nails, babyshower invitiations, pantyhose.
Awww!
It's so nice to be rich!
I'm feeling so blah this morning. Sugar does this to me. I had some of Gregs stupid candy bars last night. I'm paying the piper today!
I must have had a rough night last night because I dreamed that there was a piece of elastic going from my mouth to my nose. It dangled into my mouth and came out my nostril. I decided to pull it out and for some reason I pulled it from the mouth end, thus bringing all the snot and mucus out through my mouth. The taste was dreadful. I awoke to discover my sinuses were draining into my throat and my mouth was dryer than cotton. Ugh!
I also dreamed that there was this really handsome guy that kept flirting with me. I didn't want to look too closely at him because I didn't want him to think I was too bold. He finally came over to me and taking my hand, he led me outside.
There he stood with his arm around me, not so much because he was showing affection but more because the ground was steep and everybody was hanging onto everybody. Somebody turned on a porch light and I looked directly into his face.
I did a double take. It was Ellen Degeneres! My first thought was this was a good thing. At least I wasn't balancing on the hillside with a man. Who knew what rumors could circulate from such behaviour.
Then I about jumped out of my skin. Wait! I'm standing here with the arms of a lesbian around me! Horrors. I turned and stumbled up the hill. I kept falling and sliding backwards. Nevertheless, I kept right on trying. As I struggled to get back to the lighted porch I awoke!
Often when I have strange dreams I like to try to find a meaning in it. This time I will let the dream lie. I will not search for an interpretation. There is none. It was just a stupid dream.
Yesterday I did some more work in my perennial beds. Today I should be able to finish. I also went shopping yesterday and bought some decorative shelves for my upstairs family room. I'm looking forward to putting those up. I love to decorate!
Monday morning I start a new baby sitting job. I will be getting the neighbors three kids off to school Monday through Wednesday. They will get here at five thirty in the morning and they catch the bus with Anna Lise at 7:20 am. I'll just have to see that they get dressed and feed them breakfast. I'm looking forward to it. I can use every penny I can get what with Christmas and a new grandaughter around the corner!
This weekend I need to focus on Halloween. I have no idea what my kids will be. Wally don't care and Anna Lise has never really gotten too excited about dressing up. They'll probably be whatever is cheapest when I buy their costumes!
Wouldn't you know it. Just as I decide to try the diet for IBS my husband brings home kits kats, snickers, and peanut M&M's. Oh yeah. That'll help trim me down. I have absolutely no will power when it comes to chocolate.
I've been reading some blogs lately that have got me thinking. Some peoples' weblogs focus totally on weight loss. Now I know there are weight loss diaries and such out there but I'm talking about ladies who are writing about other things and always end up coming back to being fat; in every entry!
It's sad that our love of eating, and subsequent fat, can so consume us that we have little else to talk about. Having said that, I'm going to talk about being fat!
I can console myself to a degree because my weight was put on by massive amounts of hormones due to going through the invitro fertilization process. Then comes two kids and a miscarriage and, well, now I'm fat. In the invitro process and the subsequent pregnancy I gained 100 pounds in one year!
I lost 56 of that only to get pregnant again with my son. Again I maxed out at the same weight as the previous pregnancy, only this time I was carrying a baby that weighed 11lbs 4oz and measured 2' long! He' my popsicle baby as he ws frozen for five years at Oregon Health and Science University!
A study was done that showed these frozen embryos have a lower birth weight than other babies. Well then what happened to Wally?
I also have hypoglocemia and one of the side effects of that is being too thin. Ooops. Another statistic blown out of the water. I could gain weight wherever I am planted let me tell you; the arid desert, the frozen tundra, the steaming jungle, Ethiopia, Cambodia, drought palgued Africa. Just take me there and I'll prove it.
It's not that I don't have will power. In my teens and early twenties I fasted many times for 10 days at a time. I've done every diet known to man. My will power is tremendous. And that's exactly whats gotten me into this problem.
I've fasted and dieted till I have the matabolism of a sloth with two legs missing!
I've sat through Easter dinners without eating a thing. I've gone to potlucks where I've circled food around on my plate to appear like I had eaten! And yet I'm still fat.
I walk down the streets and feel repulsed at all the fat people. I wonder how they can let themselves get that way. I mean it's disgusting. Why don't they just quit eating so much? Don't they see how ridiculous they look waddling along like pregnant hippos in search of the next feeding hole.
And look at the woman in the Nordstrom window display. They should not allow fat women to work in Nordstrom. It's disgusting. I pull my sweater closer around me in an attempt to hide my own fat. The lady in the window pulls her sweater around her too. I stop to look at an animated snowman in the display. The fat lady in the window stops and stares back at me. She is so disgusting.
I leave the window and continue down the street. The fat lady follows me to the end of the display. Does she want something? I look directly at her and horror of horrors. It can't be! It just can't be. I move to the right. I move to the left. The fat lady moves with me.
I practically run to the safety of my car. But I can't get away from the fat lady in the Nordstrom window because that disgusting lady is none other than myself. I have become one of the masses of obese people in this country.
I don't eat for the rest of the day. I'll show everybody. I will lose this weight. And with that thinking I set myself up for more weight gain. Tomorrow I will be so hungry from not eating today that I will eat all the wrong things.
Ok I know how to lose weight nutritiously. I know exactly how much excersize it will take. I just need to get in and do it.
Check out this 900 club website. These pictures and stories are beyond comprehension.
Will I ever get that fat?
The lady I baby sit for just came to get her little boy. Anna Lise was dancing around the living room trying to make the child dance. He obviously was not enjoying it. His mother said, "Anna Lise, he does not like that."
Anna Lise looks at her, looks back at the little boy, grabs his hands and begins dancing again! We told her several times to stop. She finally did.
After the child and his mother left I asked AnnaLise why she didn't obey when she was told to quit dancing.
She drew a complete blank and looked at me and this is what she said, "Was I good?"
Is she for real? I told her that no she wasn't good and that was very naughty not to stop when we told her to stop. She listens intently then looks at me and again she says, "So was I good?"
You guys something is slipping with her. Do you think so? It just doesn't sound right. When I repeated that she was not good she says, "I'm going to be good the rest of the day."
I gave her a hug and assured her that I knew she was going to try her hardest.
I don't know. I think there are some serious problems here. What it could be I don't know. There's got to be some testing somewhere for kids like this. Certainly she's not the only one in the world with these kind of problems, or is she?
Some days I want to pull my hair out! Why can I teach hundreds of kids how to read and I can't teach my own daughter? Hu? You tell me.
Last night again we had a big scene just trying to get through reading. It's like this kid has no clue how words are put together! She looked at the word, can, and said 'cut'. This was after I told her over and over what the word was and after I had her write it over and over. It was still 'cut'.
Most of the time she looks at a word and just says anything that pops into her mind. I'm ready to give up. I know exactly why a lot of homeschoolers turn to unschooling for their solution. However, I do not believe the unschool method works. I think it's just a way to get out of schooling your kids. I am totally against it!
Somewhere, somehow this child will learn to read if I have to strap her to a chair until she's twenty one. She will sit there until she learns to read! Do you hear me! SHE WILL SIT RIGHT THERE AND SHE WILL LEARN!!! Got it? I am so frusterated. I'm sure I can be heard screaming in the next county!
I need solutions! I've tried teaching her via the internet. I've tried using scrabble letters. I've tried Leap Frog stuff. I've tried workbooks. I've tried sight reading. I've tried flashcards. I've tried refrigerater magnets. I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING!
Nothing works! Look is still what, cat is still pan.
Her whole world of words and letters are topsy turvy.
It will never click with her. She will be seven in a couple of weeks. Something is drastically wrong. Maybe she could learn to read Norwegian better. Or maybe she should learn to read some obscure Indian language. Maybe there's another language in her head from some past life. Maybe she's tuned into Mars!
Whatever is wrong with the child I do not know. I only know she's marching to a different drummer entirely! If I could only hear the drummer I could match my stride to hers. But I can't.
I can't hear anything above my own screams!
Ok so you already know I had a major bowel attack last night. Today I did some more research. I was surprised at my findings. Striving to eat lo carb and high protein has had me eating the exact things that trigger IBS.
The funny thing is that I told my doctor a while ago that all the things I'm not suppose to eat make my stomach feel better. I now find out that most of what I'm suppose to eat should be in the form of soluble fiber. They claim that one of the reasons over weight people with IBS can not lose weight is because of the condition.
I have just finished reading testimonies of many people who have lost weight by just incorporating the IBS diet and healing the bowel.
I'm excited! Could this be the missing ingredient?
For a list of soluble fiber go here. In fact, if you suffer from this deblitating condition take out time to read the entire site!
I start this new plan tonight. I have such hope!
knifing pains,
gut contracts,
no escape.
i am in agony.
i smile at you.
twisting,
turning,
wrenching.
i try to listen,
i try to sit still.
stabbing,
churning,
chilling,
waves of nausea,
i must go.
hotflashes,
numbing pain,
tears.
i am home
i go to bed.
tossing,
rolling,
moaning.
the night deepens.
the pain worsens.
praying,
no relief,
weeping.
an eastern light.
a new day dawns.
hope,
chills,
cramps
a hot bath,
slight relief.
heat,
cold,
pain.
the toilets here.
I need it bad.
constipation
contraction,
diarhea.
limp as a rag,
i'm wrung out.
relaxing,
calming,
still.
once again,
i have survived.
Tammy
NOTE More on Irritable Bowel Syndrome can be found here.
What a balmy October day! It is just unbelievably warm this morning. Poor Anna Lise. I finally bought her a winter coat Thursday so she wouldn't freeze to death at the bus stop, and now the weather has been so nice she hasn't been able to wear it. This morning she put it on, stepped outside, and stopped in her tracks declaring how warm this new coat is! I didn't have the heart to tell her it was the morning that was warm and not her new coat!
When I come to my computer in the morning I have to force myself to write this entry before anything else. Otherwise I'll start browsing through my favorite weblogs and an hour later I haven't written anything and I'm out of time. I just love reading hippycritical vs. hawthorne. We are both stay at home moms and other than that we lead totally different lives. I think thats what intrigues me about her weblog.
And then there's That Crazy Neighbor Lady. I love her purple porch idea. I also like Day Without Rain. That lady has cancer and shares her experiences with her reader. And then, of course, I read a bunch off of Orblogs and first thing you know I'm out of time.
Greg had to work Saturday. I hate it when he has to work the weekend! Sunday he had a meeting out in Gresham to attend. It was the annual hunting meeting where all those that are going hunting in November get together and plan things. I didn't do much, other than clean house and go to church and cook dinner.
I spent a couple hours Sunday afternoon researching travel systems online for my baby grandaughter. Shelly really wants the stroller/carseat combo. I found a real cute one for a good price so today I'm going to order it.
My brother, Ben, and his wife stopped by for a couple of hours yesterday. Bens going hunting too in November so I'll leave you to guess what the guys talked about. Shelly was here part of the time and my sister in law, Ruth, liked to have died when she saw how heavily pregnant Shelly is.
Ruth is eight weeks behind Shelly in her own pregnancy. You can scarecly see that she is expecting! Shelly on the other hand has about 7 weeks to go and is huge! I could tell that Ben thought Ruth would never get as big as Shelly. He talked of all the creams his wife is using so she don't get stretch marks. Here come to find out Shellys using the same creams twice a day! When she showed Ben her huge purple stretch marks he looked a little sick. Poor guy. He always thought that these things couldn't happen to him.
Well women can't have kids without their bodies changing. My brothers finding out a thing or two. He had all the answers when he was dating. He knew exactly how to make a marriage work and exactly what everyone else was doing wrong.
Well it looks like his pregnancy thing is out of his control. It's so hard to grow up and discover that despite ones best intentions there are some things that one has no power over. If Ruth doesn't get stretchmarks it will have little to do with the creams and more to do with her skin type!
She may still luck out. If she does I'm sure my brother will think it's because they applied the cream more often or because they rubbed it on just a certain way! Oh to be young and to have lifes answers!
Today I have to rip out the rest of my garden. I positively hate the fall cleanup around this place. It's so fun to plant the garden and flowers but positively dreadful to have to dig it all up.
I am not happy! Greg bought The Matrix Reloaded on DVD and is playing it upstairs on the 52" TV screen. Thats the same TV I needed to watch MTV on tonight! No I usually do not watch MTV but it so happens I am fascinated by The Newlyweds starring Jessica Simpson.
He could watch that stupid matrix thingabob on the downstairs TV but he says it needs the big screen and the surround sound. Well it sounds to me like it's just a bunch of bangin' and thumpin'. The satellite dish that brings in MTV is not connected to the down stairs TV. I can only watch it upstairs! I'm so bummed. I guess I'll go watch Bridgett Jones Diary again! Botheration!
Where did this lovely weather come from? Yesterday the east wind blew leaves everywhere. There is no doubt about my days activities; rake the leaves from under the black walnut, the flowering cherries, and the apple trees. Not exactly what I wanted to do today! Oh well since I'm out there I may as well rip up my garden, and winterize some flower pots. And oh, I still have to plant those big beautiful irises my mother in law gave me.
These warm east winds always remind me of my Dad. He loved the warm winds in the fall. A wind from the east always invigorated him. It meant warm days in which to finish the last bits of summer work; canning the last of the produce, mowing the yard for the last time, hauling up any remnants of firewood from the canyon and rechecking water pipes that might need one last roll of newspaper around them before the bitter winter.
My dad was a strange sort of fellow. His pet peeves were things most people never thought of. One didn't dare drive on the west side of the house when the west wind was blowing because the wind would blow dust all over the yard. One didn't drive on the east side of the house when the east wind was blowing for the same reason. Our driveway encircles the yards.
This logic behooved one to always check for certain which way their dust was blowing as they came down the gravel lane. One did not want to encounter his wrath if one didn't!
Another of his pet peeves were four wheel drive trucks on the road in the summer. Many times I can recall being ripped from a good book to take note of a fourwheeler that just passed. "Now kiddies," he'd holler. (You had to holler to be heard above all nine kids in the station wagon.) "You see that fourwheeler that just went by? He's wearing down those tires on dry roads! Listen everybody! Hear that? Thats the sound of rubber being worn off his tires. Boys, don't ever drive four wheel trucks on dry pavement. It ruins them. Ya hear those tires?"
We return to whatever we are doing and leave Pop fuming to himself. "I just don't understand people. Why would you drive your four wheeler on dry roads?Thats just how ignorant people are!" He'd rant about this every single time he saw a four wheel drive driven on dry highway. The result of Pops logic was that his own four wheel drive had twenty some thousand miles on it when he gave it to my brother a few years ago. He had bought it brand new in 1972!
Pop had lots of pet peves. He ranted in the same manner whenever we would pass someone bringing home a load of wood in the winter. Many times he wouldn't alert us to this however. Instead he's start an imaginary dialogue.
"Honey, I've been out in the rain all day cutting this wood for you. Just look at how hard I've worked for our winters wood. Now that it's pouring rain I've decided to get this wood. I could have done it in the summer, but I didn't, so now here I am soaking wet with a whole truckload of wood."
"Kiddies," he'd holler. "When did papa fill the woodshed?" "This summer," we'd all chorus. "And when did we cut the wood?" he'd ask peering through the rearveiw mirrror to make sure we are listening. "This summer", we'd holler back.
"That's right. This summer," He'd say with satisfaction. "And boys, is that little pickup full of wood going to be enough?" Nooooo. How much wood did we cut this summer?" Now I don't remember how much wood we cut every summer. I just know that it took about 12 cord to heat our old farmhouse. If I'm wrong about that I'm sure some trusted family member will post it in the comments. Our family is good at stuff like that; correcting each other. We're the best.
Lately I've really been thinking about this wood thing. Here it is the middle of October and Greg and I still haven't bought any wood. We have lots of old apple and cherry tree limbs from pruning but no real substantial wood.
This scares the livin' daylights out of me but Greg assures me one can buy wood and bring it home in the winter just as well as in the summer. Thats not what papa said but for now I'll just have to trust my husband. I hope he's right or we'll surely freeeze to death this winter.
I'm feeling restless. I want to go on a vacation. Greg wants to go to Disney World. I don't. We've been there three times already. I want to go somewhere else but I don't know where.
I'm afraid to fly across the ocean. I'm afraid to fly period! I don't want to spend the money either. What with the purchase of a new dishwasher and the upcoming property taxes we really can't afford to do anything right now.
I want new living room furniture. I want it bad. But at the same time I just want to go on vacation. I know that if we go somewhere I will not get my furniture in the forseeable future. What to do? What to do?
Right now I'd just like a trip to the beach. I want to rent a room though because it's so much easier with the kids to just go back to a motel and clean up the sand and grit then it is too clean up to go home.
It also seems to make the trip a little more worthwhile. I mean when we take the kids I have to pack extra clothes and things just as if we were spending the night so I don't see the difference really.
If only I weren't so fearful of everything. It gets worse the older I get. When I was younger I flew everywhere.
The worse my fears have become was in flight from Oklahoma to Texas in the spring of '95. We hit such rough weather I thought sure the plane was going down. I started to cry I was so scared.
I looked over at Shelly and she was reading a book as if nothing was going on. But I'm her to tell ya the turbulence was unreal.
At one point it felt like the plane was suddenly thrown upward then bang we crashed down, all in the air though. As the plane came down the stewardess nearest me was flung into the air and the pop she had went flying everywhere.
All the stewardesses stopped what they were doing and literally ran those carts down the isle.
The fasten you seatbelt sign was flashing as the pilot came on and tried to assure us that all was well. We were to expect more turbulence as he dropped lower to get under the storm. I like to have died!
I was promising God that if he got me down from there I would never again fly. I would go to Africa and take the gospel to the heathens. I would work with the aids patients in third world countries and not worry about getting the disease.
I would swim crocodile infested waters to take supplies to needy families. Anything God! Just get me down from here.
I looked over at Shelly. She was still reading.
We finally landed. I rushed to the nearest payphone to call Greg. I was going to tell him that we were taking the bus the rest of the way home. But as luck would have it I couldn't remember our calling card number. I tried every combinaton I could think of until an operator said I couldn't call anymore.
They thought I was trying to use a stolen card.
I paced the airport and thought. I was truly scared but what were my options?
"Last call for flight 179." I looked at Shelly. There was nothing else to do. I grabbed her hand and ran for the plane. So much for all my promises. A lady had to get home didn't she?
Sorry God. Just keep me safe anyway. You see, I'm too scared to cross the ocean by plane or boat so I really never could have gone to the heathen anyway. You know how scared I am of water. I can't even swim! Look down on your fickle servant and forgive me. And please God just land me safely at home. Pulllllease get me home safe.
Thankfully I did arrive home in one piece. But who knows? Maybe next time I wont make it? You know, just recalling that flight again makes me doubly sure I'm not going to Florida in the near future.
I'll just stay home and buy my furniture!
Oh my goodness, I just got done crying through the entire hour with Dr. Phil. I have never missed a Thursday since he started following that family. I thought todays episode was particularly touching. That poor dad; finally getting a chance to find his real father only to discover he died two years before.
I only wish Dr. Phil would quit pushing for Alex to give up her baby. He says he's not pushing one way or the other but it sure seems to me that he's wanting her to place it for adoption! I think she should keep it.
Dr. Phil said today that a wise man once said that there is a moment in everyones life when all the wrongs can be made right. Some people chose that moment to make things right. Others don't; either because they don't recognize the moment or they just don't want to make it right.
I thought about that in my own life. I know the pivotal moment when I chose to make all wrongs right for myself. That moment was when I decided to marry my husband. From that moment till now I have experienced what life was intended to be.
I had a baby as a young unmarried girl of 22. I chose to keep her. Actually it wasn't a choice. I just never gave a thought to giving her away. I have never regretted for a tiny second that I kept my baby girl. She and I have a special bond that I cannot adequately explain.
I owe a special thanks to my parents for helping me to raise her the first three years of her life. And I owe a special thanks to Greg for loving and marrying me and in turn giving my daughter a wonderful daddy.
Ok enough of all that sentimental stuff. Mercy whats wrong with me sometimes!
Anyway I can't wait to see what happens when Martin goes to Germany in search of his brothers and sisters. The suspense is killing me. And puuullllease, Alexandria, keep the baby!
Anyone care to share a pivotal moment in your life? Go for it.
Today is pay day! Today I get exactly $100.00 for two three day weeks of babysitting. I am rich! Now I'm going to buy my son a little boy quilt for his bed. He's still wrapping up in his baby blanky. I know he wont part with the blanky but at least his bed will look a little more grown up.
While our husbands are out hunting Shellly and I are going to decorate her babys nursery. When I'm done helping her I plan on redecorating Wallys room, changing it from the Blue Jean Teddy nursery, that it now is, to big boy trains. He loves trains!
I'm kind of sad about getting rid of the nursery look. I will never have another nursery. Not that I want another baby. Oh my no! It's just that there are so many lasts when it's your last. Know what I mean? But really I am ready to move on. I'm too old for this baby stuff.
Well I have my strep throat back with a vengence! Yesterday the doctor gave me a stronger antibiotic. I took one dose last night and already my sore throat is gone. Yesterday I was going downhill fast; the same chilling and achy tiredness that I experienced two weeks ago.
I just hate being sick! I'm the worlds worst sick person! Now the doctor tells me that if I don't get over it with these antibiotics that I will most likely be looking at getting my tonsils taken out!
Everything in me screams NO! I will not have another surgery! I can tell Greg is worried so I don't want to act too upset about it in front of him. Poor man. He'd be so lost without me if something ever happened during my surgeries - if you get my drift!
Anna Lise has tomorrow off from school so once again we have a long weekend to homeschool. I'm worried sick about her schooling. There's just so much stuff to worry about when you have kids.
One of my sisters has 12 kids, another one 11, another one 9, a brother has 6 kids and another sister has 5. I'm thinking that maybe that's the bettter way to go. With 12 kids you don't have time to worry about each individual kid. Seems to me you'd just have to worry about the whole survival thing and forget dissecting tiny personalities
Mercy, I may have hit on a clue here. Maybe I don't have enough kids!
Yikes! Scarey thought!
I'm not even sure I should be writing now. I had the roughest day with the kids. I owe my readers more than slogging through sordid accounts of my sordid days. But you know what? I'm at such odds with myself that I've decided my readers will just have to follow my sniveling dribble or go read another blog.
I am a stay at home mom. The kids are what my day consists of. Ok, I have tried some of the disciplines suggested to me several days ago by my faithful readers. I've been trying the idea of offering broad choices for misbehaviour than narrowing down that choice.
It goes like this:
Anna Lise had kept up a running dialogue for fifteen minutes on some trivial thing. (I don't remember what). I finally told her it was time to find something to do as mommy was fighting a bad headache and really couldn't take any more.
She kept right on talking. I said, "Anna Lise, if you don't find something to do I'll find something for you."
"But I just want to say.."
"Anna Lise go upstairs or go outside."
"I don't want to."
"I narrow the choices. "Anna Lise, go upstairs and watch TV or go in the living room and read a book."
"But Mom, I just want to say.."
"Anna Lise you need to go look at a book or go to your room."
"No! I don't want to look at a book. I'll go upstairs and watch TV."
"No Anna Lise that choice is gone."
Anna Lise throws herself on the floor and wails at how unfair I am.
"Ok Anna Lise. go to your room! The choices are gone."
"But I don't want to go to my room!"
" I go over to her. "Anna Lise I see you will need help going to your room." I steer her to her room and amazingly she walks quietly with my hands on her shoulders!
When her time was up (one minute for each year the experts tell me) I go into her room and see her calmly playing with her dolls.
I sit on her bed and ask her if she knows why she was sent to her room. She knows exactly why and informs me that next time she'll make a better choice "cause I could have watched tv instead of being sent to my room!"
I think she got it. But are these same experts aware of how time consuming this all is?
Then you have a day like today when you wonder if you've ever taught the kids anything at all.
As luck would have it I was in the bedroom folding clothes when the mother of the kid I babysit shows up at the door. Anna Lise must have let her in but didn't come and tell me.
All evening I had been working on getting the kids to use their inside voices. Well I hear Anna Lise screaming so I go out into the living room to tell her to be quiet and there stands the babys mom!
Anna Lise and Wally are wrapped tight in each others arms going round and round on the rocking chair shrieking like their getting killed. I seperate the kids and turn to talk to the lady.
Wally comes running up behind me and pushes her little boy as hard as he can! Of course the little boy falls over crying. The mother grabs her son in horror while I put Wally in the corner. I'm trying to tell the mother about her sons day when Wally gets out of the corner and is tackled by Anna Lise who trys to shove him back into the kitchen.
The result is that both kids are rolling on the floor screaming. I excuse myself and seperate the kids sending them each to their rooms. I had exactly two seconds of peace before Wally starts slamming his bedroom door over and over. Anna Lise opens her door and yells out to tell me that Wallys slamming his door. The noise has escalated to where we can no longer talk.
I look at the lady who is still clutching her crying son and assure her that when she leaves I will deal with this matter. She leaves! I deal with it.
I'm not going to tell you how. Just let me ask; What would have been your course of action at this point? Just how would you have dealt with it?
I wasn't as productive this weekend as I would have liked to be. When Greg works Saturdays it makes the week so long and I get so edgy.
I met my oldest daughter for lunch at McDonalds Saturday. That way we could visit while the two younger kids played. She told me she is getting another job promotion. She spent her weekend studying a thick manuel about becoming an accounts manger.
That sounds a little vague, I know, but that's because I don't understand it all. Sounds like they want to train her to be an accounts manager for the Residents Inn that she works for. Now she is sales coordinater. As accounts manager she would be able to make more money.
Things are going well for her and Jared. They're so young that it's all a little scarey but somehow it seems like they have finally rowed their way into calmer waters. The finances have made a big differences.
Oregon has the highest unemployement rate in the nation. The fact that they both have good jobs is a real blessing. Of course, the coming of little Hailey Noel in December has helped to settle them a little too! Suddenly it's time to grow up!
Jared went deer hunting this past week and shot a deer his second day out. He was quite proud of himself. So while Shelly and I went to McDonalds he went with some friends to cut the horns off the deer. His grandfather is going to mount them for him. Both Greg and Jared will be gone elk hunting in November.
Saturday afternoon was spent in preparation for Sunday: baths, hair washing, making sure the kids have their clothes laid out for church, preparing most of the Sunday dinner, and doing last minute cleaning. I never like to really plan anything for Saturdays because I have noticed that if I don't use that time to get ready for Sunday then Sunday will be a nightmare.
Saturday afternoon one of the neighbor men had a birthday party for his wife. It was a fun party; lots of good food and soul talk. Of course, we neighbors know each other very well so that makes these kinds of things more fun than just your average neighborhood get-togethers.
Sunday we had a baby parade at church. Wally rode his bike in the parade and practically mowed down everyone in line ahead of him! All was fun and laughter until the balloon on his bike hit the light in the hall and popped. He was not a happy biker after that!
All the babys got a new Bible so that helped to cheer him up. There were probably fifty babies or more in the Sunday School parade. It was quite a job but lots of fun!
Sunday afternoon was spent on reading and napping.
Thus ended my uneventful weekend.
The pounding in my head keeps rythmn with the beating of the rain on my overhead skylight. It looks like we may be into our rainy season for good. Can't say as I really care. I'm a native Oregononian and rain is what we in this state know best. So let it rain.
My head, however, is another story. I do care about that. Migraines are a way of life with me. Most of my migraines are manageable but every now and again I'll get one that flattens me in bed, leaving me vomiting and praying that my head wont crack in two!
This one seems like it will be managable. But even then they are no picninc.
Well, now that the weather has turned cool I want to bake. But if I bake, I eat. Woe is me. I will never lose this weight!
Now we're facing the holidays and I'm still as fat as I was last year this time.
I bought some hydroxycut thinking a little help wouldn't hurt, but that stuff is so potent I can't go to sleep at night. By the third week on the stuff you are suppose to be able to take 3 pills three times a day. That's equal to eighteen cups of coffee!
My dietician just about lost it when I told him. Of course he don't want me taking it. His main reason is because it suppresses your bodies ability to turn off it's own hunger mechanism.
So I quit. But there was something about it that didn't sit quite right with me. Now I realize what it is.
My body has no hunger mechanism to begin with. So exactly what would I be ruining. I really think I'm going to try it again.
Several weeks ago I decided to go to LA Weight loss. after all, who can't afford nine bucks a week for something as important as their health? Nine bucks. That's what the commercials say.
I'm here to tell you that to lose 40 pounds they figure that it will take 20 weeks. Then you must buy a year of maintenance. I ask the lady what happens if I never reach maintanence. Why must I pay for maintenence now? I am told that is how the program works.
The lady doesn't want to tell me my total amount owed until I fully understand the program. So she flips through little flashcard thingys telling me about the body and how it works and the food groups.
Waste of time! What dieter doesn't know all about this? What I don't know is what this program will cost me.
Oh don't worry it's affordable I'm told. Now I must step across the hall and for only $146 I will be able to get a complete health evaluation, just the basics you know: pulse, lungs, heart.
Now why do I want to spend that kind of money when I can get it done through my insurance. Oh never mind, this is required for the program and it wont take long at all. Nancy, do you have a minute for a health check?
Nancy? Who's Nancy? Uh lady I don't have the money for a health check. I came here to purchase your nine dollar a week weigh loss program.
I am assured that we will get to that after the health check. I start gathering up my things. I'm going. Oh just a minute we can workout a payment plan.
I sit back down. Ok this will only cost you six hundred and thirteen dollars! Now if you have three hundred of that I can get you started right away.
Uh what did you say? Lady, I don't have three hundred dollars with me. I tell the lady this program is way out of my budget. Ok she says how much do you have to give now? Well I wasn't going to show her my cards so I just said fifty.
Ok she says. Just leave the fifty with me and when you get the rest you can come back.
What? Leave the fifty with the lady? I think not! Listen lady, you are not getting fifty dollars. I cannot afford your program.
Well but it you leave fifty dollars then you and I both will know you're serious about losing this weight. If you decide not to do this you can come get the fifty any time.
I inform her that her logic worked when I was twentythree and went to Nutri Systems. Oh yeah, I left the fifty dollars and I never saw it again in spite of going back three times for it. Now I am 43. Did she not think I had learned anything in twenty years?
I grab Wally and walk out of there leaving the lady hissing like a mad cat. Nancy stands in the hall with her stethoscope dangling uselessly, wondering where they went wrong.
I'll tell you where they went wrong! Six hundred and thirteen dollars. Thats exactly where they went wrong!
So that leaves me still fat. Only now I'm fat and mad. Somewhere, somehow I will lose this weight.
Now excuse me while I go eat breakfast. My hunger mechanism is telling me it's time to eat.
Yes, I 'm in love with another man other than my husband. I don't feel a bit guilty about it (well most of the time I don't). My husband knows he's sharing my heart with another man and he is actually okay with it. He says as long as I remember that it's him I'm married to then it's ok.
I spend more time with my other man than I do my husband. Greg is gone 12 hours a day, leaving me free to spend my time with the little man I love so much. I think sometimes Greg is a wee bit jealous of the time I spend with my other love, but he realizes that there is room in my heart for two men. He's very understanding that way.
My husband stands 5'10" tall and is a big broad shouldered stocky type of a man. He's eyes are an electic blue, so true blue that even strangers comment on them. His hair is brown with a part on the side that is never straight.
My second love looks much the same; the same shocking blue eyes, the same crooked part to his hair and even the same build-- only he's much smaller in his "stockiness." He stands exactly 40 1/4" high and weighs exactly 40 1/4 lbs.
My other man is my little son!
Wally weighed 11lbs 4oz. at birth and measured 2 ft. long! He's been on his own height and weight chart since day one. He is now two and a half and the size of a four or five yr old. In spite of his "biggness" he is still my little baby.
He is just learning to talk and the things he says are adorable. He's busy all day long; writing on the walls, tearing his sisters polly pocket doll clothes to shreds, flinging jam all over the kitchen, cutting my sewing tape in half, and just generally making a pill of himself. He's definitley the busiest boy in town.
Sometimes I feel sorry for my little love. Because of his size people treat him differently. While other 2 yr olds get cuddled and held, my little man gets told to sit in his chair and don't get up! In Sunday School I find him in time out a lot. My heart aches for him.
The teacher says he's in time out cause he's climbing the bookshelves and knocking over the wastepaper basket. Can he help it that he's so inquisitive? I mean I've seen little Johnny the last three Sundays aimlessly driving a matchbox car in little circles around the table. But they all love this unimaginative little boy.
And then there's little Theodore. Theodore doesn't dump the trash in the room. He's a good boy. He sits quietly and colors. I've seen him coloring. He colors his entire picture blue! My Wally knows how to use all sorts of exciting and wild colors when he colors! Crayolas litter the floor and little pieces of colored paper lie like confetti around my babys masterpeices. Who ever heard of scratching a blue crayon around the page and calling it coloring?
I'm sitting in Sunday school and my pager goes off. I instinctively know it's the love of my life. I run up the stairs to the nursery. Opening the classroom door I stare in amazement at my baby boy. He's all alone in the 2yr old room. Just him and a teacher.
I see him sitting in his time out chair, his hair with the unruly part now totally uncombed, swinging his feet, his little black shoes making scuffing sounds as they hit the floor. His beautiful blue eyes show signs of tears. I enter the room like a mama lion! The sight of me brings such wild joy to my baby love.
His hair is standing on end and he looks so very hot. His cheeks are streaked with drying tears. He sees me and squeals, "Mama"! I gather all 40 pounds of him into my arms and smother him with kisses while the teacher counts off all the naughty things he has done. "But where," I ask, "are the other kids?"
The teacher points to the three year old room. There are my sons classmates milling around playing with the toys. Wally has been so naughty they had to empty the classroom until I got there to manage him.
Wally is outlining my face with his little hands. It reminds me of people who finally meet their loved ones after years apart. It's like he wants to memorize every feature. My heart cries within me.
Please be patient with my little man. I know he's so big you keep forgetting how old he is. I even know how naughty he can be. But I also know that this little boy who cleaned out the two year old class, is the same little boy that lays his head on my shouder when I read to him.
He's the same little boy that falls asleep in his daddys arms in the old green rocking chair at night. This is the little boy who cuddles potato bugs and lovingly pockets earthworms. This is the little boy that covers me with kisses while running his hands through my hair. This is my son.
If you see my little boy will you give him a hug. He loves hugs. He may look too big to hug but he's really still a baby. If you see my little man will you remember that he's only two and will you stop to plant a kiss on his sweaty little brow?
He may pinch or kick you in the process but he will kiss you. He loves to kiss.
And now to you my little Walter John, mommy loves you more than you will ever know. I don't care how big or how naughty you are, you will forever remain my Wally boy!
I'm feeling a need to reconnect with friends. In the summer when the days are long and hot I don't get that feeling quite the same. In the neighborhood where I live we are all pretty good friends. Summers are spent at backyard pools and evenings are whiled away on our decks with tikki lights to ward off the bugs.
But now that the cool weather is here everyone has turned inward. The street that was filled with strollers and bikes now lies cold and wet. There are no children having picnics on the front lawn. My cherry tree, that the mamas used to visit under, now keeps a lonely vigil at the end of the drive.
I will not spend a winter holed up alone in my house. Oh yeah, there are people coming and going all the time but it's not the same. I want deep meaningful conversations over hot coffee.
I recently found a website that explored the myth of mothers needing to get away. Here is the link if you are interested. I disagree with this article in many areas. I never left my babys much before a year old but this lady goes further and says that parents have needs but not to get away! A mothers need is to eat and drink and sleep etc.
How ridiculous is that? She makes note that this is a modern day thing of which our grandparents never gave a thought. Well I'm here to say that may be true but I am a much better parent when I've had a break even of an hour or two. When I get home my kids seem sweeter and my house looks less messy than when I left.
And now I am saying that this mother needs to get away. I don't mean on a long vacation or any such thing. I just want a coffee break. The only problem with that is that coffee breaks end up being costly little things by the time I pay for the coffee and the sitter. And I really don't like going out in the evenings. It don't feel right to leave while my kids and husband are at home.
I think there's a couple of reasons I'm feeling this way. One is that I attended a Pampered Chef party last night with a bunch of girlfriends and it was such fun I want to turn around and do it again.
Another, is that I'm swamped with housework right now and whenever the work is overwhelming I just want out of here. If I could just have a heart to heart talk with a friend I feel like I could face the work.
Today I made out a $225.00 catalog order for winter clothes. I don't feel badly about it because I really do need the clothes and yet... if I would be feeling a little more upbeat I wouldn't have had to spend that much money. Ok I admit. Shopping makes me feel better. There were no friends here to talk with so I shopped. Shoot me!
I just thought I would feel better about my self if I updated my clothes. As a stay at home mom it's quite easy to just pull on any old rag and not care what you look like. I decided that just because I'm fat and just because I'm at home all the time is no reason to not look nice.
Besides, if I have new clothes I'll feel more like putting effort into getting together with my friends for that much needed soul talk. Know what I mean?
My mother-in-law is visiting. The mere words are enough to strike terror in most any womans heart. I vowed that this time I wouldn't complain. I will just take whatever is doled out. It's obvious she needs to feel like she knows everything so I'll let her think that.
Here is a sample of my days since she has arrived from Seattle. We call her Bucia which is Polish for grandma.
Anna Lise at the breakfast table: "I just can't quit coughing mama. I have a hair in my throat." "You have a what where?" I demand! "I have a hair in my throat. Bucia says I cough so much because I swallow my hair and it sticks in my throat! "No dear, " I assure her, "You are coughing cause you're getting over a cold. You're not a cat. You wont be coughing up hairballs any time soon!"
Anna Lise coughing again. " I just wish I could stop coughing. Bucia says I'll rupture my tummy if I keep coughing." Enter Bucia: That's right. You should bind her belly with a rag so she don't rupture her belly button when she coughs!" I take Anna Lise aside and assure her that God made her tummy strong enough it wont be poppping open when she coughs. It's okay to just go ahead and cough if you want!
Bucia entering the kitchen after I have just made a pumpkin cream cheese roll: " You really think thats good?" "Yeh I think it's good." "Hmph, it must be incredibly expensive to make. Certainly you could spend your husbands money more wisely." I ignore her. "Would you like some?" I ask. "Oh I may as well try it." She takes a bite. "Walnuts too big. Yeh those walnuts are chopped to big. I just don't care for it." Then tell me dear lady, why do you keep chiseling off slices from the loaf?
Bucia watching as I cook acorn squash: "Oh you really should do that my way. Now I take the squash and slice it in rounds and fry it in butter. It can't be beat. Oh what a g*d^*m bunch of cr*p this all is. If you did it my way you could save yourself some steps." I pop my scorned squash in the oven and don't say a word. It doesn't do any good.
Sitting at the breakfast table: "Have you seen Oprah lately? Did you see that show about working mothers and what those kids of theirs are doing when they're left home alone? Why they're in their beds making out with their boyfriends. Now you tell me why girls that age need to be in bed acting like that.
Tell me?" She demands. I ignore her. "Yeah you just don't answer me. Wait till your kids are acting like that. Then you'll have to come up with some answers!"
Bucia handing me a bag of iris bulbs: "Here I brought you these. Now get them planted. They're great big yellow ones. Nothing like those you have here. Why your irises are all sh*tty compared to mine. You wait till ya see these!"
Bucia looking out the kitchen window: "Why is that bucket laying out there. Tammy you just live like white trash. That bucket blew over yesterday and you still haven't picked it up. Ach white trash!"
I could go on and on but this is a pretty goood sampler of what I have to put up with when she comes. Believe me sometimes it's much worse. She's told me that I'm the devil and I took her boy away from her, she's told me me that my cooking tastes like sh**, and she's forever wondering why I have so much work to do. She gets herself in a fine tizzy over all the work around here. I have never yet figured out why that makes her so mad.
Edit: I must add that she is very good to my kids and they adore her. She's also willing to come help me whenever I'm sick or just had a baby. She's always there. So that is nice.
Today has been a parents nightmare. My children have fought all day long. I just want to walk out of here and never come back. (well never as in an hour or so) can somebody please tell me how you can raise obedient children without spanking. Any good books? Any real research? Somebody help!
My kids are very stubborn and selfwilled. Anna Lise has been sent to her room 3 times today. Wally has had 3 whippings. The one was because he scribbled on the couch. I had just told him he could write if he used the paper I supplied. I am sitting right beside him helping Anna Lise with school work. We are all around the coffee table. First thing I know he has scribbled all over the couch cushion and pillow. This is one minute after I explained to him that today we will have no writing on the walls or our legs. He even gave a grudging, "Alright" when I gave him his pen. But what does he do?
My girlfriend was telling me about her daughters inability to hear the short sound of the letter e. She says her daughter just looks at her and says, " I can't hear it mama."
How lovely. My daughter can't hear it either but she screams and yells and throws herself on the floor flailing like a banshee hen. So is the other child more disciplined? You're all thinking that Anna Lise needs more spankings. Well that other girl has never been spanked!
Another girlfriend told me that her daughter just wilts when she tells her no. My kids don't. I say no and they yell yes! I stand them in corners. I send them to their rooms. I spank.
When I tell Wally no he sticks out his toungue! I cured that with water. Sounds mean? Well I'm at my wits end here. Every time he stuck out his tongue he got water sprayed in his face. Sure I had to carry a water bottle with me at all times but it worked.
For Anna Lise's sassing I have used tabasco sauce and dishsoap. Neither of them work. Spankings don't work. Grounding don't work. Standing in the corner don't work. Whats next?
I demand to know why some kids never get a spanking and yet they are the most docile kids, never causing any trouble. What in the blessed world is wrong with my kids? My day consisits of settling one fight after the other.
Wally is going to be easier than Anna Lise is. I'm hoping that by six he will need far less discipline than she. He's much more mild tempered.
I used to think that spanking was the only way and used spankings almost exclusively with my older daughter. But as I've gotten older I've bought into this thing of discipline without force, in part because the spankings didn't work with my older child either. But now nothing works.
On days like this I want to crawl in a hole and come out again when they are grown. What's the answer? Is there an answer? Maybe this thing of raising kids is just the luck of the draw.
And maybe I've drawn all wild cards!
Thats right. Early this morning in the predawn hours the soldiers came! My family was at the beach. So were Mom and Pop and a few cousins. All day we knew that this could be the day. All our lives we had prepared for this day. But now as the radio in the kitchen calmly announced the tides and the coastal advisories we knew, with a deep cold knowing, that Communism was at our doorstep.
These communists were not coming as soldiers from Russia like we were always led to believe. No, these were Iraqui Communists come to avenge the war. Pop and my brother -in- law Jake sat across the room discussing the war and it's implications. Jake always loves a deep discussion. He had hitched his chair up close to where Pop was sitting on a tattered green couch. Jake didn't want the children to hear. I watched as he leaned forward earnestly detailing the rumors of war on our soil.
Greg stood to the side deep in thought. The women moved restlessly from kitchen to front room; always moving, stopping to wipe a nose here or hush a childs crying over there. I glanced over at Pop and Jake again. Pop was nervously chewing a toothpick. He always does this when he's thinking and worried.
I couldn't handle it anymore. I decided to try to read a book. But where? Where would be the safest place? I decided to take my book to the stone stairwell that ran along the side of the house. I sat there in the cold stairwell and shivered.
Could this really be the day? I had enacted the take over of Communism at recess as a kid. I had read every book I could about the tortures that we could all expect as prisoners of war. I had heard preachers who had smuggled Bibles into Russia tell of their tortures.
One lady from Romania told how painful it was when the Communists gave her shots of boiled milk. The milk would curdle in your veins and the pain was unbearable.
My CO papers! Were they still on file after all these years? Never mind. It didn't matter. I wasn't being called to war. I was going to be arrested instead. A POW. The words struck terror to my heart.
Then I heard it. Pop looked up, pointing with his wet, scraggly toothpick. He says quietly to anyone who is listening, " here they come". We all turned around and looked up the steep sandy bank.
There they were! The soldiers in full uniform, swarming like locust down the embankment. I cowered back into the stairwell. The stones were cold against my hot skin. Would the stones be this cold in my prison cell? I shuddered.
Suddenly the stairwell was full of soldiers stomping their way into our beach house. It figures. After years of planning where I was going to hide, if I don't go and hide in the very stairs that the Communists use to gain entrance. Nothing I ever do is right! They stream past me and fill the tiny living room.
I move over to Greg and Anna Lise. (Wally has not been born yet) The soldiers just stand there looking out to sea. Jake straightens his back and sits erect in his chair. The toothpick is back in Pops mouth. I see now that one of the soldiers is a woman. She moves across the room to stand beside me. She's talking out of the corner of her mouth so no one else can hear, " Hey lady. I like the looks of you. You look strong and robust. You will serve our purposes quite well."
Robust? Then it hits me. I'm fat. I have heard that in some countries fat is a sign of health and wealth. As luck would have it, we were being taken captive by a society that must believe this way else why would I be the one to serve their purposes?I knew this fat would be the death of me. Why, oh why, hadn't I lost weight.
The soldiers just stand there looking out to sea. The radio is still on in the kitchen but the world has stopped revolving. I am glued to the floor in sheer terror. This cannot be happening. It just can't! I start to cry.
I wake up!
I'm shivering like a leaf. I feel Gregs strong back against mine. I roll over and wrap my arms around him as I wet his back with my tears. Gregs used to this. He knows how real my fears are. He rolls over and pulls me close. " Bad dream?" he asks?
"The Soldiers, " I say, "they came."
I hear a little chuckle. He's not making fun of me. He's just chuckling. He holds me tighter. He understands. He knows how I was raised. He knows me!
"Do you really have to go to work this morning?"
"Yes dear, I do."
"Please don't. Please stay with me!"
"Honey I can't. I'm the only supervisor out there today. I have to go!"
I silently wipe away the tears. Greg gets out of bed and I listen to all the familiar morning sounds; the spraying of the shower against the formica walls, the opening of his drawers as he gets dressed, the clinking of his belt buckle as he pulls on yesterdays jeans. I take comfort in the familiarity of it all.
"I love you," he says as he stoops to kiss me.
"I love you too, " I whisper. I smell the fresh scent of the shower and the tangy half spicy smell of after shave. This is my husband. I bask in the smell of him.
Then he is at the door. "Honey," I whimper. "What do I do if the soldiers come?"
He doesn't miss a beat. "Get my guns. Get all of them!"
I'm going to the library today and I need to find a book to read. I haven't read anything since finishing Cold Mountain about a month ago. I'm thinking of reading Girl with a Pearl Earring. Some people have said it's not as good as they thought it would be but I'm thinking of trying it myself. I've just always wanted to read it.
I love books. Lately I've been envisioning ways to add more bookcases to my house. We already have 14 bookcases. Six of those are in my husbands den and six more comprise an entertainment center my husband designed from bookshelves bought at Ikea. Anna Lise has a bookshelf in her bedroom and I have a bookshelf I use for my homeschooling books and Anna Lises reading books. The bottom shelves have Wallys toys on them. So you see I really need more shelves!
Nothing says home to me quite as much as my wood stove and my books. Now that the air is turning crisper and the nights are colder I just want to burrow in and read. When? I don't know. But I feel empty knowing I haven't got a book going. I haven't read the selection for the book club yet and I believe it meets next week. Uh, maybe I should read that book first.
Today I'm going to spend quite a bit of time with Anna Lise. I'm going to use the Scrabble letters and have her do word webbing with them. For those who don't know that term it's when you take endings such as, at, am, ad, etc. and put letters on the front to make words. For example I will have Anna Lise spell "at" and then look for all the letters she can put in front of it to make words: cat, fat, pat, sat, mat etc. In this way she doesn't really know she's learning.
We're also going to practice in her easy reader and write each of her spelling words from school 5 times. This afternoon is two year old storytime at the library so I'm taking Wally. Anna Lise loves going so she wont mind sitting through baby brothers story time. My kids think the library is a magical place! I hope they always think that.
I was talking to one of my neices in Pennsylvania the other day and she was telling me that she has only been in a library a few times in her life. This girl is fifteen. So later while talking to my sister I asked her about this and she says that she never goes to the library and that she doesn't even know how to use the library to find a book!
This is so hard to believe. When we were kids we were a booky type family. But now that I think back on it I really never remember my older sister reading books. She was always playing music. A couple of my younger sisters and I were reading all the time. I have always read. I cannot imagine life without reading. While I was pregnant with my oldest daughter I kept a log of the books I read. During that nine month period I read 192 books! What can I say? I was sick the entire pregnancy.
So today I go to the library and get a book. And somewhere among the myriad of other things that needs do