Dishpan Dribble

Portrait of a marriage

Greg's mom comes today. She's going to watch the kids while Greg and I go to the coast for our anniversary. We're going Friday and just staying one night but, even one night is going to be a blessed reprieve.

I was not happy with my husband yesterday after he called from work and proceeded to tell me all the things I am not doing around here. He then went to his friends house to help him with his air conditioning on his car. Every one wants Greg's help. He can do anything he puts his hand to. So while he was gone I was fuming.

I am not one of those women who give their husbands the cold shoulder. I just never did do that silent treatment stuff. It's so juvenile. Well, last night, searching for a way to let him know I was my own boss I decided to go the childish route and try not speaking.

So he gets home from work around nine pm. I'm out watering the yard, the kids are standing in the drive waiting for him. He gets out and I can immediately tell that he is in a very good mood. He has bought some fireworks and in typical boy fashion he wants to set some off right then and there. So he and the kids proceed to do some fireworks in the drive. I don't come over and watch like I usually do. I have a childish statement to make, ya know. So I continue to water the lawn, all the while thinking of all the things I want to talk to him about. But no. I have pledged a vow to silence.

Oh good, he is noticing that I'm not my usual self. He keeps looking at me while he's playing with the kids. He trys to talk but I answer him in grunts. I know how to do it because I've seen him do it and I know how irritating it can be. Boy, I'm just the lovely, little christian wife, aren't I?

This no talking thing is getting on my own nerves. I'm a big talker. By evenings end I'm wondering what sort of satisfaction anybody finds in this kind of behaviour. It's so stupid. It's now 10 pm. Thank goodness he got home so late because I would not be able to keep this up much longer. Now it's bedtime. Hmm, wonder if he'll kiss me.

He gets up comes over to the couch and says, " the house looks nice". He stops to kiss me; a long lingering kiss. He's sorry I can tell. I kiss him back. We say I love you and both go to bed.

This morning I awoke around 4:30 am. I realized Greg would still be in the kitchen. I'll go out there and get my allergy pill and kinda scope out the land, so to speak. So I go to the kithcen and get my pill. Greg's standing at the bar eating an egg sandwich and watching something about Iraq creating it's own government. I stand beside him and pretend to look at the morning paper.

Greg turns and pulls me to him. He holds me like that for several mintues. I hugged him back. It was so good to be home in his arms where I belonged. I breathed in the fresh smell of soap and that certain smell of his skin that makes him uniquely himself. It all felt so wonderful. Now admittedly, he was eating an egg sandwich over the top of my head for part of the time, but hey, after 15 years I guess he's allowed to do that.

So did the silent treatment work or would I have gotten this sort of hug last night if I wouldn't have been trying out my new idea of punishment? I doubt it was my stupid behaviour that made the difference. I do know I'm not trying that again. It's all so like high school. What in the world was I thinking?

Oh, and by the way, Happy Anniversary to me. Today is our 15th anniversary. You'd think we'd be more grownup by now!

In my school this made me popular, so there

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Found on Tell it in Love

Babied boys make babied men

Mothers, teach your sons to be sulf sufficient. Don't ever let them pout and get their own way. If there's something you want done make them do it immediately! And don't do things for them that they could so easily do themselves. Don't clean their garage. Don't baby them when they get home from work. Don't try to fill in for them and overlook their weaknesses. Teach them to appreciate everything you do rather than to expect it. Your job is to teach them how to do it not teach them how to rely on women to do it. Don't do your stuff and their stuff around the house. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Wally on the loose

Wallys at it again. Naughty, naughty, naughty. I just pulled him out of Haileys pack 'n play where he had crawled in with his boots on, accidentally kicking her on the head in the process, then up onto an antigue buffet that the bed was sitting beside. Yes, Pop, I spanked him.

He hurled a pop can at Anna Lise who was running across the deck with Hailey in her arms to get away from him. Where was mama? Picking some fresh blueberries for lunch. Yes, Pop, I spanked him again.

He is bringing toys home from all the neighbors, wrist watches, trucks, bubble gum, matchbox cars, whistles, whatever he can lay his little hands on. It comes home tucked under his shirt or in a pocket if he's lucky enough to have pockets. I make him return it and yes, Pop, I spank him.

I'm not even mentioning all the other infractions that gets him set on chairs, put in time out, or stood in corners. Nor am I mentioning the toys that get taken away. Some days I am just at my wits end with that kid.

When I push too far

Last night I experienced the most profound tiredness I've felt in ages. I was cleaning house and about 11:30 I just lost all energy. Every bone in my body was tired. I was so exhausted I could barely walk to bed. After getting in bed I realized I had forgotten to take my nightime allergy pill. I can't explain how hard it was to get up and go the kitchen for my meds. It was just unreal tired- ness.

This morning I overslept. The tiredness is still with me. It just came on out of the blue last night. I always have had problems with functioning when I'm tired. I am definitely not a night person.

When I was growing up my parents ran a bakery. Everyone knew that you did not have me bake when I was tired. To this day I can't get anything to turn out if I bake in the late afternoon or evening. Sewing is another headache for me. If I'm tired I just can't do it. I'll sew the sleeve onto the neckline, and the collar onto the sleeve opening on the bodice. I'm serious. I really do stuff like that.

Through the years I have learned my limitations and very seldom do I hit this incredible wall of exhaustion like I did last night. My usual bedtime is between 10 and 10:30. I think the problem was that the last three nights it's been after 11pm till I've gotten to bed. My body just said no more!

My gilrfriend stays up till one or two in the mornign cleaning and then teaches school all the next day. I have no idea how a person does that.

I love the mornings. But in order to keep loving them I have to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. When I'm in bed by ten I can tear down the world at 6am. My energy is incredible.

Now, because of my indiscretion I'm going to have to figure out how to get through this day without collapsing.

I've got an idea. Let's do a spur of the moment, unofficial poll here. are you a morning or night person? Inquiring minds want to know.

There's a monster under the bed!

Okay, halt the presses! This woman bought her first swimming suit in 6 years! This woman can now be found hiding under the bed. She will come out in a years time. Hopefully, by then she will have turned into a brittle twig of a person. Meanwhile, don't feed this woman. She'll just grow fatter.

Okay, you can proceed with your work! Oh, before you go, comfort this woman under the bed. Tell her you understand because she's feeling quite alone in her fat world.

And if you're a size 10 or below just leave a note wishing her the best. Don't tell her you understand because, guess what? YOU DON'T, unless you've lost weight to that point.

Can you tell this woman is irritable today?

I love to shop!

I went shopping this weekend! Oh yeah. I spent 350 bucks updating my wardrobe on all the essentials! Now I'm ready for summer. I bought these really cute sandals and wore them to church last night. Shelly was sitting beside me and about half way through the service she stuck her foot over beside mine. She had the exact same sandals I did! Shows what good taste she has.

I'm going through my closets and throwing out scads of clothes the next couple of days. I have clothes scattered around in five different closets! Two of those closets are huge walk ins!

I have no problem getting rid of stuff around here until it comes to my clothes. I've got tons of clothes from my school teaching days eight years ago. It's also pre baby days so they are are now way too small for me. And totally outdated! I'm always trying to get Shelly to wear my outdated things and she about has fits. I just don't want all that money to go down the drain! I had some nice things when I was teaching. Of course, they don't even fit Shelly anymore, I might add. She too has had a baby. And besides I was downright slim in those days!

Every year I saved those clothes, certain I would fit in them in a couple of months. The months have turned into years and I get further and further from fitting into those things. They must go! It hurts. It's like throwing out my dreams! But I must be ruthless in my scourging of the closets. I can't let sentiment stand in my way! So out they go!

Then of course there's gobs of other things. I have clothes stored away from size 8 to 24! That's right! Okay, so tell me you don't have clothes all different sizes. Am I the only one here? This past winter I bought some beautiful suits for church. Those stay, as does some of my nice winter things from the fat lady store. Other than that it's just this summers clothes that I'm keeping.

Oh yeah, and one or two things from my teacher days just so I can try them on and know when I'm that size again.

Hmmmm

I'm off to do something very naughty and mysterious. I'll tell you about it when I get back. I just hope it goes off as well as I think it will. Timing is everything!

UPDATE:

Well it didn't work! And Isaac, no! I did not become a democrat! Never will! Go Bush!

Anyway, Shelly was meeting a guy for coffee and I tried to surprise them by showing up at the coffe house too. Only problem was that I was too late! Now why is this so naughty and mysterious? Well, I shall tell you. Shelly and this guy had never seen each other before, therefore, I could have gone in and ordered coffee and if Shelly would have kept quiet, which she wouldn't have, I could have sat down at a table next to them and the man would have never known who I was. He wouldn't have the foggiest idea that I am Tammy, from Dishpan Dribble. That's all I am to this man. That's all he knows me by. You see this guy that had a blind coffee with my daughter was none other than Kevin from Tell It In Love. Yes, my daughter met a man from her mothers weblog. If I would have been a few minutes earlier I too would have met Kevin in real life. I left anote on Shellys windshield telling her that I had been there. That's how Kevin knew when he posted in the comments at 5:30 Sat night that my naughty idea didn't pan out.

Shoot! Maybe I can meet him another time!

Weddings and Yard Work

Nothing much going on today. We just finished a late breakfast of French toast and now we're about ready to get into our day. We're usually not so late on Saturdays but for some reason nobody felt like going to bed last night. Even the kids were up until ten.

Gregs going to do some yard work and I have to venture out into the pollen filled world to water my flowers at some point this morning. The eye doctor gave me a steroid to put on my eyes to keep them from swelling. It helps a lot.

This afternooon there's a wedding at the church that I'm suppose to attend so I guess I'll go. Shelly was suppose to go to but she decided it would be much more exciting to meet a certain "friend" for coffee. She never really liked this girl in school anyway. There was even less love lost between them when this girl started going after Shelly's boyfriend. But that's all high school stuff. I think the girl has matured nicely and I feel the need to attend.

I'm trying to talk Greg into taking a drive this evening; maybe taking the kids bikes along and letting them bike some park trails. We used to do that with Shelly but this is the first summer these kids have really been old enough to do it. Because I'm still worried about my allergies we may opt to bike down at the waterfront in Portland. I love doing that.

I don't know why it is but I simply find the waterfront a thrilling place to be. Not only is it fun, there's something cathartic about it; boats, bikes, skateboards, roller blades, all creating a rhythm that isn't found here in the suburbs. I just like it. What can I say? Okay, now that I've proven I'm certifiably insane I will go to my suburban kitchen and do the thankless task of cleaning up the dishes.

So if you want to talk you truly will find me at my dishpan- for the next half hour at least.

So how did you hear about the birds and bees?

I didn't find out how babies were made until I was fourteen years of age! Even then I wouldn't have found out if it hadn't been for two crane flys. But there I get ahead of my story.

Being raised in a rural, little Mennonite community one didn't get exposed to things too easily. We had no, TV, no radio, no magazines or anything like that, so there was really no way to learn about such things unless one just plain had the wits enough to wonder about it on their own.

My mother tells me that one day she overheard me and my little sister talking about this and my sister wondered how the baby got in mama's tummy. I informed her that I didn't know, but I did know this much, "You could watch and watch and never see it happen." I have no idea where I got such pearls of wisdom.

I only know that one day three of us older girls were peeling peaches on the back porch. When you canned over 400 quarts of peaches and pears there was plenty of time for back porch philosophizing. So on this summer day in '74, we see two crane flys flying across the porch. Nothing strange there except that they are attached!

I was trying to get them apart by tossing drippy peach peelings their way when my sister, who was all of eleven months older then me, told me to leave them alone because they were mating. I would have thought nothing of this except that she said the word mating in such a lofty, superior way that I immediately pounced on it.

"Mating", I repeated. "what's mating?"

Now all she would have needed to say was that they were making babies. I knew all about making babies. The cows and sheep and pigs and chickens; they all had babies every spring. Even my own mother seemed to be having a baby every spring! Babies were nothing new. There were nine of us kids if you recall. So anyway, if she wouldn't have said it in such a know-it-all voice, I would have thought no more about it.

But no. You see, my older sister had only just found out how babies were made a few months before this. So she had to strut her knowledge. Now in answer to my question she knowingly says, " you'll have to ask mom what it means." And went back to pitting her peach.

Fine. I would ask mom. No way was my sis going to know something I didn't! So I went to find my unsuspecting mother. I found her upstairs in the sewing room arranging and refolding bolts of fabric. It took a lot of fabric to keep up with the sewing for five girls when all we wore were dresses. So here's mom, going through her fabric. I pop into the room and ask, "Mom, what's mating mean?"

Again, dear reader, all mom would have had to say is that it meant making babies. I would have been happy with that. I had no idea I was embarking on a new and enlightened time of my life. There I stood, unsuspecting, in the sewing room doorway, little knowing my childhood was about to be ripped away. How could I know I was standing on the threshold of the adult world and that the big secret of the ages was about to be handed down to me?

I have no idea exactly what my mother actually said. I do recall that she continued to fumble with the bolts. There was none of that sitting me on her knee and looking me in the eye type of stuff. Just the rustling of the fabric and my mother telling me the whole awful thing. I remember being totally shocked and horrified. I don't remember ever reaching the back porch nor what I told my sister about what I had discovered up there in th sewing room, but my mom tells me I simply said, "oh", and turned and went downstairs.

So that my friend is how I heard about the making of a baby. Scarey stuff for a 14 year old!

Soooo. How old were you when you had the "sewing room talk"? Let's hear about it.

And we call ourselves civilized

Check out this pic at Liquid Thinking. I just cried when I saw it. it's so sad.

Is this what mothering is all about?

And this is only the beginning of summer? I try so hard to get the kids to cooperate as a family unit and to love each other and to be kind to each other, but do they get it ? No.

Wally especially is going through a very rough time. He's being disciplined every five minutes. He spent all morning pining for Anna Lise and then when she does get home he fights with her; kicking her, calling her names, and throwing toys at her. He even yells and screams at himself!

I've been trying to catch every single infraction and dealing with it immediately. But it still isn't working. I've done Time Outs. I've put him in the corner, washed his mouth out with soap, sent him to bed, made him clean up his mess, sit him on a chair, take away his toys, and yes, Pop, I've even spanked. NOTHING is working!

So I tried the postive approach; watch a movie, color together, play computer games, read stories, stack legos. It doesn't work either. He's good for the first five minutes and that's it. I even had him help me plant flowers this morning, letting him push the plants to their spots in his little wagon. That too ended in disaster.

Okay, he is downstairs stomping his feet because I wont let him have an ice cream cone. I must go deal with this immediately. In the meantime, does anybody want to give me a break? I have helmets here you can wear for your safety. Just give me an hour break. It would feel like a major vacation.

Lord, what did I do to deserve this?

Kid Dribbles

I've been trying to structure the kids day as much as possible. It's easier said than done. Anna Lise just hates doing any reading! So yesterday I went through some of our kids cd's to try and find something for her to do on the computer. I managed to find a cd on consonant digraphs and consonant blends. These were two areas with gaping holes when I did her diagnostic tests earlier this week.

She ended up spending about an hour working on phonics with the use of the computer. Wally spent the same amount of time doing online painting pages and learning about opposites. It was so cute. I stood in the hall and watched him.

He was on my computer and because he was much too small to properly view the screen, I set him on a big thick dictionary. The opposites game showed three potato shaped men; one big, one medium and one little. Then they had shelves of shoes and you were suppose to match the small shoes to the little man and so on. He was having so much fun mismatching everything! When he'd put the wrong shoes on a potato he'd sit there swinging his little legs from his high perch and just chuckle and chuckle at his results. He can be so sweet when he wants to be.

And while I'm speaking of Wally he got his mouth washed out with soap for the first time today. In all reality I put a tiny drop of dishsoap on my finger and then on to his tongue but it did the trick! I told him that every time he says the word punk he's going to get soap in his mouth to wash out the naughty word. It's not so much that punk is so naughty it's how he uses it. I'll tell him to do something and he'll say, " No, punk mom," or, "okay mom punk." It's just totally out of hand. He has no idea what it means but it is not nice the way he says it.

Anyway when I went to get the soap he ran to his room. When I got in there I saw a big pointy lump in the middle of his bed. There he sat, bolt upright, with his quilt over his head, thinking I couldn't see him. Talk about the ostrich! Funny kid!

I took Anna Lise to the doctor in the morning and sure enough she had swimmers ear. She gets it every year. They tell me that every time she swims I need to put vinegar and alchohol drops in her ear. Yuk.

This morning Anna Lise is going to summer Bible School with a friend. After lunch we are going to do more reading. I'm also going to look for a cd with the alphabet on it for preschoolers. I know we have one around here somewhere. Wally doesn't know A from Z and I'd like him to start learning some stuff. I'm going to take Wally to the library while Anna Lise is at Bible School. He loves it there.

Well I know this is boring stuff to those who don't care about homeschooling or such but I am listed in the homeschool blogring so every now again it would behoove me to tell what we are doing along those lines, ya know!

Little known facts on flys

Wally: Aaaa there's a fly.

Me:That's okay. He wont hurt you.

Wally:Yes he will. Him has purple poop.

Learning bad behaviours

It's 6pm. Wally goes outside to play. Three 8-10 year old boys are sitting on the curb. Immediately they start squirting him with squirt guns. A four year old runs up the street and chases Wally who is screaming in fright and trying to get back to his house. The older boys are cheering and squirting from their vantage points. I run outside and gather a shaking, wet, little boy into my arms. I tell the bigger boys to leave him alone and I never expect to see such behaviour again.

It's 11:45 am this morning. Wally goes outside to play. The same three boys are sitting on the curb. This time they are pelting him with little pebbles. He is screaming and crying. They are again blocking access to our house. This time I go out and rescue wally all the time calling to the boys to stop. When they have quit I remind them of their age and Wallys age. They angrily yell back at me and inform me that Wally called them punk. I remind them again that they are ten and he is three and this time I tell them that if they don't quit I am taking them to their parents and letting them tell their mothers what they have done.

How can I teach Wally how to play with kids when all the kids in the neighborhood are older than he is and are acting his age? Now Wally thinks it's smart to be aggressive like that.

I think I'm moving to the far regions of the outback, where my kids and I never have to learn any social skills beyond what is needed to communicate with the monkeys!

It's a hard knock life

I'm in a much better frame of mind this morning having spent some time in reassessing my life and in much prayer. I thought of pulling my rant below and then I decided to just leave it and let everybody see how upset I can get over things that are easily remedied. In yesterdays case the remedy is to stay away from this woman, realizing that she and I have never really gotten along and probably never will. It also stands as a remender to myself that I need to bring my old nature a little more under control at times. I just let some people get under my skin way more than is good for me.

Another thing that happened yesterday to set me off and that I didn't mention was that my very good friend and neighbor just put a for sale sign in her yard. I feel such a loss. She and I have gotten to be very good friends through the years and her daughter is Anna Lises constant companion. I am so sad and so bereft of comfort that everything is making me mad. But my friend is not happy in that house anymore since she and her husband got a divorce and she just feels like she needs a new start. Again I'm being selfish in only thinking of my own happiness in this situation. But I will so miss her and her daughter.

On a good note. I planted a sunflower with Anna Lise last night. We do this every year; just one sunflower, and watch it grow. I love that little girl. I don't know who she will play with now that her friend is moving. The other kids are all a bit older and really don't want to play with her anymore.

I have to take Anna Lise to the doctor this morning. Her ear is hurting her and the side of her face is swollen.

Why is life so full of ups and downs? Why can't I control my tongue? Why do let small things annoy me? Why do I have to lose my friends? And more importantly, why does Anna Lise have to lose her friend? I'm just so undone but my spirit is much calmer than before, so I will continue to read and pray and hopefully I can change this old nature of mine and with Gods help make myself into a lovely person.

I will also be praying for a new friend for Anna Lise.

Why is life's lessons so hard for some of us to learn?

Grow, little sunflower, grow.

Give me my B's

I'm taking some B complex. Everybody is getting on my nerves. I just had a run on with another friend on the phone. I hate it when I feel like this. It makes me want to withdraw from people and never come out until I learn how to behave in public! (Or until they learn how to behave!)

It's not about making rules

I need to just admit that I get irked at small things. Okay, that's out of the way. Now I wont need anybody telling me in my comments that I am too easily peeved. I've said it about myself and that's enough. And really this entry is more about righteous indignation than a mere pet peeve.

A have a thing or two to say to those people who say things to make themselves look impressive. Now you all know that in my weblog I say things like they are. I don't pretend that marriage is easy. I don't pretend that raising kids is easy. In fact, if you knew me in real life you would discover that I am one of the least pretentious people you will meet. I say it like it is. I live it like it is! And puhleease, do not insult my intelligence by pretending you're somebody you obviously are not!

I know a certain someone who is always trying to tell me how much she and her family have grown in the Lord. Before I go any further just let me say, that if you are really growing in the Lord you don't need to sound a trumpet on the street corner. Real growth will be seen by your friends and those you come in contact with. I'll believe your growth when I see it.

And why do people think that implementing rules is the answer to a family gone amuck. Listen to me. When your kids are so insecure they are afraid to fall asleep at night, and when your young teen is in a girls home because of her rebellion, and when your marriage is on the rocks because of your rebellion, do not think that you can set out a bunch of rules and things will change!

It's the heart of the home that needs to change; the little daily things that make a home a godly home. You can tell me that you no longer wear pants and request that when I go to the Moms Club with you that I don't wear pants either because you don't want your kids to see me in pants. Oh yeah, you can say that to me but let me tell you; your kids seeing me in pants will not effect their future like your daily screaming will. And one more thing. I pretty well will wear pants wherever I pretty well please, except to your home, and you can't tell me otherwise.! You are not my God.

And do not tell me I can't wear a certain dress when you come to my house because I have a little secret for you. Come close and listen. It's my house and I make the rules here. Not you. You got it?

And oh, while I'm at it don't tell me I need to turn off my TV because you've implemented a new family rule in your, now, oh so righteous, home!

These things make me righteously indignant! Making a bunch of new rules without changing the very heart of your home is not going to suddenly make your kids turn out as godly kids. You wonder aloud why I let my kids watch TV when I have been a Christian far longer than you. Well dear friend, that's exactly why my kids are allowed to watch TV. I have screened what the watch from little up. I know that suddenly cracking down on rules is not the answer for kids who have no respect for me.

How about reading Bible stories or character building stories to your kids? Have you ever thought about adding things to your kids lives rather than take away from them? And have you ever thought of trying to get along with their daddy instead of running him down? Have you ever considered cooking a meal and sitting down around the table and listening to them share their day with you? How about taking care of your own kids instead of leaving them with sitters so you can go shopping?

You see, dear reader, the trouble in our lives and in our homes has more to do with what is not in our home than what is. Do you follow me? If you do not have love, and patience, and forgiveness, peace and joy and meekness, how then will taking the TV away from your kids be the answer to your home?

You're a whited sepluchre; whitewashing the outside when the inside is dead! Furthermore, you are a Pharisee, making laws and condemning those who don't live by your new rules. It doesn't take a spiritual giant to make rules. It's correcting the heart that is harder to do. Rules are babystuff. Grow up and get down to the task of nurturing and teaching your children "when they rise up, when the sit down and when they are walking in the street." Dueteronomy paraphrased by tammy)

Ah, but therein lies the catch. If I deal with the heart it's a hidden thing. I want people to see my spriritual growth so I will make house rules and make sure everyone knows my new rules because then they will know how spiritual our household is.

Oh yeah, we know how spiritual you are. We walked onto your front porch yesterday morning when you didn't know we were there. We didn't knock because I didn't want myTV watching, pants wearing, kids to be a part of the scene that was taking place inside. They're not used to mama yelling at everyone and still in her robe at ten in the morning. They've never heard mama yell at them to shut up. They've never seen mama throw a spoon at the dog who was eating the babys breakfast all the while calling that dog every name she could think of.

I repeat. Do not tell people about how much you've grown spiritually. We'll believe it when we see it. And by the way, so will your kids.

Sigh

I did diagnostic testing with Anna Lise yesterday morning. It looks like her learning is about the 5th month of first grade, with some gaps in phonics in between. I'm going to have to work my butt off to catch her up this summer.

Wally has now taken to throwing toys at people’s heads to vent his frustration. I left him with a sitter at my house the other day while I went to an eye appointment. The sitter reported that he was very naughty; hitting everyone and throwing toys. After she left, Anna Lise told me that he threw a wooden toy radio at the sitter and hit her on the forehead.

Sunday morning one of his teachers met me after the service to report that he was kicking and throwing toys during Sunday School and had to spend a lot of time in Time Out. I'm not sure what to do because this lady somehow hasn't learned to put the fear of her self into the kids. She plays rough with them and then expects them to obey her after she's got them all wound up.

Thankfully a very skilled mother and teacher teaches with this unskilled lady. She told the teacher that was having a problem that it was basically her fault. She tried to explain that you can't roughhouse with kids, allowing them to hit you in fun, then turn around and expect them to respect you because you suddenly say the play is over. The lady didn't appreciate the talk and seemed to be quite offended over it. But I was so glad the skilled teacher was there because I too, have had problems with the other lady after church playing too roughly with the kids.

This lady seems to be a little simple; either that or just plain lacking in social skills. I haven't quite put my finger on it. She seems to love kids but is unable to have any herself. Her love of kids makes her a play friend to all the little kids after church. But last week she came to me after the evening service and told me Wally wouldn't quit kicking her so I took care of it right then and there. She doesn't seem to catch on to the fact that she is losing the kids respect. I don't think she even knows how to get respect from the kids.

Okay, I know all that does not excuse Wally for kicking her, but it's so hard to teach kids to act right when the adults around them are not acting like adults. I've really been cracking down on any aggression from Wally here at home as a result of this kind of public behavior, but sometimes my soul just despairs of ever turning out good kids.

Misunderstood

Today I baked a dozen miniature ham and cheese pies, two fresh blueberry pies. and a couple dozen cupcakes.

Greg came home from work and complained that the house was too hot from my baking.

He then sat down and ate two burritos and a cold salad with iced tea.

He walked over to the stove and ate two cupcakes.

He wondered aloud what I could possibly have been doing all day that it took me into the heat of the afternoon to finish the baking.

I didn't tell him I spent the morning giving diagnostic tests to Anna Lise

I didn't tell him that I also gave Anna Lise a cooking lesson.

I didn't tell him that I straightened up his garage this afternoon.

I didn't even mention the laundry, or the meals for the kids, or the settling of fights that are want to break out on a hot day.

I didn't tell him anything.

Hubby is now napping on the couch.

The kitchen is full of dirty pots and pans from cooking and baking.

The laundry waits to be folded.

I'm spending the evening in prayer.

Procrastination; a wicked thing

Shelly's taking a vacation day today so I don't have Hailey. Because of that I just feel like I need to run around here like a chicken with it's head chopped off trying to get things done that are hard to do with a six month old in the house.

I need to bake a blueberry pie today for a fish feed tomorrow night. I'm also making buns. I make the dough and then put a saucy, hamburger filling on the inside. When they raise it seals the edges and looks just like a dinner roll but in all actuality it's a sandwich already made up. There so handy to give the kids on busy days.

I'm also giving the upstairs living room and play room a thorough cleaning today. Greg called from work and wanted me to measure the furnace for him. I think he may be considering central air in here. I sure hope so! Now if I was a nice person I would leave it at that and not tell you anything more. But ... I am going to tell you a pet peeve of mine.

I hate it when Greg calls from work and has me do things like that. No, it's really not a big deal. But I hate it and here's why. He always calls on Monday mornings and wants me to do some trivial thing that he could very well have done the day before. He has been here all weekend. Why didn't he do it then? I can't tell you how annoyed this makes me!!!

Last night I was rushing around trying to get all the watering done before dark and he was sitting on the couch watching TV. All evening I cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry and made everybody an after church snack while he sat on the couch. You know good and well that he knew that he wanted that chimney measured but he procrastinated. It's much easier to call me the next day and have me do it. Grrrr, I HATE it when he does that!

And the reason watering is such a chore is because he has procrastinated in getting the water to the backyard faucet after the remodel. I have to now pull the hose from the front through the garage and through my kitchen. Then out across the deck and out to the flowers! It's so aggravating. I just don't understand procrastinators. They must live a miserable life, and I can say with all surety that if you have to live with them you are, indeed miserable.

Whenever I'm pushing Greg to do something he says, " It's not a bunny. It wont run away!" I hate that! Sure it wont run away, but what's wrong with getting something done NOW!. Or often he says, "You just get a bee in your bonnet and you wont let it go!" That's right! When I want something done I want it done in a a timely fashion. We started our house addition six years ago in July. We're still not done. Six months ago Greg took the toilet out of the master bath cause it was leaking. We are still without a toilet. This kind of stuff just gets my bloomers in a twist. What's wrong with doing a job till it's done?

I hate procrastination. I don't understand procrastination. Procrastination is vile! It's stupid. It's lazy. I have no time for vileness, stupidity, or lazyness in my life. I do not understand these kind of people.

If anyone can help me understand the value in procrastination I'll thank you. I just see it as a tool of the devil, and one of his most forked tools at that!
If you are a procrastinator and you are reading this could you please explain why you procrastinate? Maybe it will help me understand my husband better.
If you live with a procrastinator can you pause a minute to explain to me how you survive it?

Bah! How I hate procrastination!

I'm bored

Trivial, boring facts

I'm restless and bored. What do I do when I'm restless? I clean. I'm going down right now and moving every piece of furniture in Wallys room and vacuming it. It's only 5:30 annd supper is over. We had grilled hmburgers and corn on the cob. Anna Lise wouldn't eat. Wally ate an entrie hamburger and half a cob. Greg ate one and three fourths hamburgers and one ear of corn. I ate the missing fourth of Greg's hamburger and half an ear of corn. Are you as bored now as I am? Okay, I'm going to go vacum Wallys room. Bet you're glad I'm leaving, aren't ya?

All about being fat

I positively cannot handle the heat! Three days of 90+' weather is killing me! Every year I tell myself to hang in there because this is my last fat summer. The following summer I am still lugging around 80 pounds of butter on this bod of mine! But ever the optomist, I am again saying this is my last fat summer.

The heat is unbearable. I have enough blubber on me to protect me against the fiercest cold of the far north. I wouldn't even need a parka like those wimpy eskimos! I am sheathed in fat. This heat has got to go!

I tossed and turned all night because the room was too warm but what could I do? I needed the air filter running lest I die in the night from asthma. And speaking of dying, I will be thin before I die. Mark my word! I don't need a dozen people to carry my casket out the church door, nor a farm trailer to load it on. I will be thin! Do you all hear me?

I went to the mall today to buy some summer clothes! I am plunged to the depths of despair. I can't go sleeveless; my arms are too fat. I can't go above the knee; my knees are too fat! I can't wear capris becasue they stop halfway between the knee and ankle making me look like I'm about 4 ft. tall!

There's really no point in shopping for summer things. Where is Omar, the tentmaker when you need him?

I was in the fat people store today. I think others call it Lane Bryant. I heard this lady behind me squeal with delight. I turned in time to hear her say, "Oh. look at this shirt! It is so fun?. Should I get it? It's just too fun to pass up! Don't you think it's fun? Her friend just shrugged and the lady hung it back on the rack. She was a huge lady! When they left I checked the size. It was a 28!

Are people like this fooling themselves? Are they deluded? Do they really think that size 28 is fun? And look at me? What sort of a person would check anothers shirt size? I'll tell you. A person that needs to know there are people out there bigger than she is. A person that can't stand to see heavy people happy in their own skin. I put back the shirt in my hand and walked out of the store. Nothing about the store is fun! I hated the stupid store. I hated my stupid self.

Not only do I need to lose the weight I need to lose the attitude!

(PS. Even after an attitude adjustment I would still never find Lane Bryant a fun store! It's a store for losers! Dumb store! Dumb clothes! Dumb me!)

A licking disease

Wally must have a disease! Lately he wants to lick everything. I was just sitting on the couch and he came up and started licking my leg. When I told him no he went to the other side of the room and started licking the carpet! Now I recall that he has been trying to lick things for several days now, even saying he needs to lick the bathtub water! Is there a name for this or is it a vitamin deficiency like kids have that eat dirt? What's wrong with him? It really makes him seem mentally slow, or in other words, just plain retarded!

To obey is better than sacrifice

Jesus said to obey is better than sacrifice. That’s a hard concept. Even children can tell you sacrifice is easier than obedience. Why would we rather play the martyr than just obey?

My daughter was suppose to be getting ready for bed, but for some reason the light was still showing under her bedroom door. I waited, all the while giving myself a little talk on the virtues of patience and reminding myself that a child is not an adult and I can’t expect her to act like one. I put away the dishes in the sink and just as I was getting ready to collapse on the couch with a book I glanced toward her room. The light was still on!

Okay, this called for action! I got up and purposefully walked down the hall and yanked open her door. There she sat; sorting her school papers into piles; one to keep the other to throw away. I had started to do this earlier in the evening and had somehow gotten sidetracked. The older I get the more that happens. I hate it. But anyway, here she was sorting her papers.

“Anna Lise, mama told you to get to bed didn’t I?

“Yes, she answered sweetly. “But I knew you wanted these papers sorted so I decided to do that instead.”

“Anna Lise is that obeying mommy?

No, but I thought I would help you.”

The first words that come out of my mouth were; “Anna Lise obedience is better than sacrifice.”

She looked at me like I was speaking another language. I really don’t think I had ever taught her this principle before. So while we picked up the papers I explained to her that when I tell her to go to bed that’s what I mean, and even though she was doing something good and worthwhile it was not being obedient.

Even as I was speaking I was reminded how I had done the very same thing to God early in the day. I had been cooking dinner when I felt prompted to call a friend who was going through some major struggles right then. Dinner time is never a good time to talk on the phone at my house. Have you ever noticed how your day will be going along just fine and the minute you start cooking dinner the entire house falls apart? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. And yet here was this inner voice saying I needed to call this friend.

Well since I was cooking dinner and since I had the friend on my mind I decided I would just cook a little extra and take some to her later. Sacrifice seemed the better of the two options. But God did not want my sacrifice, he wanted my obedience.

Later that evening I ran the dish over to her house only to discover that she wasn’t hungry and that all she really wanted was somebody to talk to and to pray with her. She was going in for cancer surgery the following morning and she was very worried. I offered to pray with her but just then there was another knock on the door and her neighbor walked in with her two kids. The chance to pray had passed me by. Later I found out that another friend had called her and prayed with her around the same time I was suppose to be calling her. I guess God figured that if he couldn’t depend on me he’d ask someone he could depend on.

I left my sacrifice on her kitchen table and vowed that next time I would obey.

Goof off ate the bottle

Uh, I put goof off on Haileys bottle to get a sticker off and now the entire bottle is a mess of peeling plastic. Why didn't somebody tell me goof off eats plastic. I saw no warning anywhere not to use it on a baby bottle! You'd think they could have written it somewhere in the small print at least. I'm thinking I just might sue for the $5.99 that bottle cost. I'm not made of money, ya know.

A play wedding

My right eye is swollen shut from pollen. I can't even keep a contact lens in it because the eyelid pushes it out. As a result I haven't been able to do the evening clean up so I will be getting up at the crack of dawn to clean the house before Hailey gets here. That's also why I'm writing this tonight. I have too much to do in the morning.

I was going to try and get the watering done tonight but that's out of the question. So that too waits until morning.

Anna Lise is spending the night at her friends house. Her little friend is having a sleepover after her birthday party this evening. Talk about a cute party with out spending much money!

My friend, Janet, called all us moms and asked us to dress our kids in dressup clothes like snow white or princess things. Her daughter was going to be in a brides dress and all the little girls were going to be the bridesmaids. Anna Lise wore a borrowed dark green strapless dress. It had gobs of frill and the frills were all tucked up on the side to just about knee length. She was in seventh heaven!

When we arrived the six little bridesmaids disappeared into the brides bedroom and all the moms were seated in the living room on chairs down both sides with an isle between. The music started and the procession began. It was so cute. Janet, as the mother, walked in first. Then six little girls followed single file down the isle carrying plastic flowers. As the music switched to the Wedding March, Danell, the bride, dressed in her big white gown complete wih a veil, slowly glides down the aisle.

After she gets to the front she joins her bridesmaids while a real pastor (pastor friend of the families) reads how we are all gathered here today to celebrate the last six years of Danells life and to wish her many more. Than he proceeded to read from a prepared script the accomplishments of the last year; training wheels came off her bike , she learned to swim, she finished first grade and learned to read ets. All the while Danelle is beaming like she's truly getting married! He ended with a prayer that God would bless the parents as they raise her and that he would see fit to give Danell many more happy years in which to serve Jesus!

The birthday cake was a miniture wedding cake and the girls all toasted Danell with tiny miniture wine glasses with sparkling apple juice. It was just adorable. The presents were then opened and after all the oohs and aahs they were off to swim. Fancy little play dresses lay scattered all over the bedroom while seven tiny little girls in itsy bitsy bikinis ran screaming for the pool. Cute, cute, cute.

Who says you can't have fun without spending money?

Blueberries are ripe

I was just out checking my blueberries and they are loaded. I will easily get 100 pounds off of my 6 bushes this year. It looks like we'll have to start picking this weekend. Fresh blueberries are just plain yummy!

I use them in everything from pancakes to muffins to cheesecakes. If anybody has a good blueberry recipe I could use it. We will have them running out our ears this winter!

Forgive me when I whine

I'm finally getting out of my house! I actually took the kids and visited a friend for two hours last night and this morning I'm taking the kids to another friends house for a play date! I feel a wee bit like a human!

Tonight Anna Lise is going to a birthday party and a sleep over at an old friend of ours. The kids are suppose to dress in bridal dress up clothes. I'm borrowing the neighbors wedding dress she made for little girl one Halloweeen. It should fit Anna Lise perfectly.

My blueberries need picked and I have a rhoddie that needs planted and my $30 forsythia is dying in it's pot and there's nothing I can do about it. To go out and dig a hole to plant it would be the death of me. The pollen is everywhere. I finally decided another forsythia would cost less than an emergency room visit. I am just willing the thing to live until I can plant it. That would be after the fourth of July and I just don't know if it can make it! Poor thing. Poor me.

Today, after the playdate I plan on washing the walls in the hallways and doorways preparatory to repainting them. They're showing a lot of wear and with the weather so warm right now I can disappear into my air filitered bedroom and open the house up and things should dry quickly.

Well Hailey will be here any minute and I would sure like to pour myself a cup of coffee before she gets here! Goodness, I had forgotten how much work a baby was. And while I grumble about it I am reminded of an email I recieved form a childhood friend. She and her husband are missionaries to Mexico and they have seven children. They are very very poor and pretty much on their own down there. Last summer she lost a baby when she was about 4 months along. Now I get the following letter from her. It's hard to believe that anyone could feel this way. She's an amazing girl.

"My soul doth magnify the Lord,
And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
For He hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden"

Dear Each One of You,

I have truly been living in the middle of a miracle these past four days; I am awed, humbled and very, very grateful. When my own eyes see "such a worm as I" enfolded and endued with nothing other than the Divine, my only possible response is one of great rejoicing. I want to tell those of you who pray for me what your prayers have moved our great God to do.

Four days ago, on Thursday, I who was thirty-eight weeks great with child, suddenly realized that I was very likely to give birth imminently. And so it was. That evening I received my little daughter....stillborn.

What can one do in the great exigencies of life but turn to God? I am not being pat - I'm telling you that's all I could do. It was also the best thing I could do. I can't explain the amazing peace and praise that I have been experiencing otherwise. You who pray for me, THANK YOU. God has done something so beautiful for me that I am going to treasure the experience even when I'm in heaven, I've no doubt. When I am definitely and infinitely weak He has wrapped me in His strength. I have beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning. Yes, we both cry. We probably will for a long time yet, and I know we will never forget or stop wishing for her, but we've given her to God and He is proving the truth of "Blessed are they that mourn, FOR THEY SHALL BE COMFORTED." Jesus is real, he knows our sorrows and he knows how to help us. "Christ in you, the hope of glory".

And Joshie likes to remind me and himself, "Right, Mommy? The very best place anyone could ever be is in heaven, right?"

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I am so very grateful for your prayers and love, and I also love you each.

Overflowing,

Sarah

P.S. For those of you who wish for more details, the doctor said that the cord was around her neck. She had been in the breech presentation until about a week and a half ago, when I felt her move into position...I guess she got the cord around her neck then and as she moved into engagement something happened; it pinched or tightened.

She was small, beautiful and perfect, according to her very unbiased mother. (Actually, none of my babies have been pretty at birth, but they've all been beautiful.) She was born naturally in the hospital, where I spent the night, coming home in the morning. I am very well.

Quiet time

Anna Lise is at a friends house, Wally and Hailey are sleeping. Thank you, Lord for quiet time. My soul needed this calm before the dinner hour. My praises are ever before You. Rest! Sweet rest; only a mother can know it's true value.

If you love somebody

THE ORIGINAL VERSION
If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours.

THE PESSIMIST VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back.

THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why.

THE IMPATIENT VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she doesn't comes back within some time limit, forget her.

THE PATIENT VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back.

THE PLAYFUL VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free ... * If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat *

THE LAWYER'S VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free... Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

THE BILL GATES VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free... If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION
If you love somebody, Set her free... If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION
If you love somebody don't ever set her free.

THE MBA VERSION
If you love somebody set her free... instantaneously... and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION
If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, her super ego is dominant If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION
If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans. If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING VERSION
If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, she has brand loyalty. If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

To hoard or not to hoard

This morning, over at foldedspace my cousin has mentioned his frustrating need to store food. He has resolved that from here on out he is only going to buy one can of something instead of seven or eight.

This got me to thinking about my own pantry and freezers. There is no way I could keep only one can of beans or one can of pineapple. My pantry is stocked with lots of stuff! I haven't gone downstairs and counted exactly but I'm willing to bet I have 20 cans of beans in there. There are five bottles of salad dressing, probably 15 cans of soup, and five cans of fruit. There are two bottles of ketchup and about 15 cans of tuna. There's about 10 cans of tomato sauce and paste (add to that my home canned tomato sauce and I'm not sure what you'd get), and 2 bottles of chili sauce. We have two cans of olives, eight boxes of macaroni and cheese, 2 cans of sweetened condensed milk, five cans of evaporated milk, and three cans of pumpkin puree. There are bottles of marinade sauce, mandarin oranges, and about 10 bottles of BBQ sauce. I can't even begin to name everything.

Our freezers are running at their lowest capacity in the summer months because we are at the end of the harvest year. In fact, we have one freezer unplugged right now. But by the end of the season they will be reloaded with blueberries, and jams, and applesauce , green beans, and corn, etc.

Even our meat supply is low with only one turkey. two chickens, one pork roast and a bag of prefrozen chicken breasts, and a package of hot dogs. Now the meat is not seasonal so I'm not sure whats going on there. I suppose it really speaks to the fact that we need to go grocery shopping. Many years we buy half a pig or half a beef. I don't know if we'll do that this year or not.

I love knowing my pantry shelves are full and that the freezers are loaded down with the fruit of the land. Some people may view all this food as a weakness. I highly suspect, that is how my cousin would see this. I see it as being prepared and being wise. Many things are bought in quantity because they are on sale. To buy just one can of something at a time is not economical even.

I don't veiw having a full pantry as a negative thing nor do I see it as something requiring change. I haven't even mentioned the pantry of dry goods or the inside freezer. We have food everywhere! I have an entire drawer of jellos and pudding mixes!

I like knowing that when I go to my cupboard the item is there. There is nothing more frustrating than to begin something and not be able to finish it because I'm lacking an ingredient.

So tell us about your pantry. Are you're shelves full or do you buy only what you need at the time? Do you can and freeze any of your own stuff? Or maybe your cupboards are full but they're full of things you'll never use. Tell us about it. And what about that earthquake preparedness kit? I didn't even mention that. It should come as no surprise to find out that we have one prepared, complete with dried military type rations. So how is it your house?

the undertow

When life pounds relentlessly
like seawaves
washed up in a frothing frenzy:
when strength ebbs like the dirty tide:
when far out on the oceans edge
you see a raft
but you know you'll never reach it.
When the boat you travel in is full of leaks
and the water dripping out is dark red.
when the skies are swirling and the moon is veiled,
when a shroud of doubt hangs damp and threatening
over the foggy bay,
And the buoy is lost in the churning of emotions,
When the light is brown from scum
and the warning signs
are dimmed in the black regions of a world
you can't comprehend,
when you taste the salty brine
and you know
that hope is gone;
let go and float.
some where
amongst the whitened froth
there is a slippery
rotted pier.

Tammy

When doing a job well is not enough

What a busy weekend! I suppose you all have noticed the new pic on my side bar. I've finally figured out how to put those pics on myself. That kitchen reminds me of our kitchen at home during canning season; stuff everywhere.

Today I went with Shelly to interview a couple of sitters for Hailey. We found a wonderful lady just a few blocks from her. This lady seems to actually adore kids and babies and couldn't get done talking wit Hailey and playing with her. Her home was neat and clean, yet comfortable and lived in. I feel so happy knowing that Hailey has a good place to go. Of course. I still have her until the middle of July.

This week the weather is suppose to be in the 70's. It will be a lovely change from all the rain. I wnat to take the kids to the park one day. Greg promises he'll hire a guy to come level out the ground behind the kitchen this week. I want him to do that because it's a perfect play area for Wally. We're going to fill it in with pea gravel and let him play with his trucks in there.

Nothing got done around the place this weekend. I was gone and Greg tinkered in his garage and on the computer the entire time. He did get our motel booked at Astoria for our little vacation the last weekend in June. I can't wait! I am so ready for a break.

I have been praying that God would restore to me the joy of my kids. Of course that's a play on the words of the Psalmist Davied when he asked that God restore to him the joy of his salvation. But I want to take great delight and joy in my kids. Mothering has grown pretty thin the last couple of weeks as you can tell from some of my whiny entrys.

I just want to get back to the job of mothering. I think I've been feeling neglectful in that area because of babysitting all year and with Anna Lise in school it's just hard to find time to really be with the kids.

My husband said something a little strange yesterday and I haven't had time to follow up on it. We were talking about the possibility of investing in some real estate and he told me that he had vetoed that idea because he didn't feel like he had my support. I was astounded because I've been the one pushing it!

So when I questioned him he said that he just felt that I had my hands so full that he didn't think I would be support in helping with the maintainence of a rental. But here's the catch. He said it in a negative way- like my hands shouldn't be so full because of the little I do. Now catch this. This was his next statement:" All you do is the cooking and cleaning and take care of the kids. I admit that what you do, you do very well, but it's not enough to make me feel like I can depend on you to work with me in a team related effort. It shouldn't take all your time to do those things but it does so that's why I have made the decision I have made."

Humph. Okay. There you have it. I'm a good mother and I keep the house nice and clean and I'm a good cook but it's not enough.

Does this man realize how many husbands would love to be able to say that their wives keep their homes clean and cook their meals and raise their kids and that it was all "done well"? Sometimes I have actually wished that he would have been a widower when we got married and then he'd have somebody to compare me with. Maybe then he'd realize how lucky he is.

Of course, those thoughts are futile and get me nowhere. Now I have to figure out how to make him feel like we are on the same team. I'm thinking that maybe if I start cleaning his garage and changing the oil in the cars maybe that would make a difference. I have no idea how to change the oil but I could learn anything for the sake of peace, could I not?

I think I'm going to start by getting up with him at four in the morning and having breakfast with him. I used to do that all the time and it meant a lot to him. He still asks me now and again if I'm going to get back to it now that I'm not up with babies all night. So maybe I'll do that. If only he got up at 6 like normal people I'd have no problem in getting up with him. But four in the morning pushes me to the limits of my endurance!

To top it all off, Anna Lise told me tonight that she can't wait for Bucia (Gregs mom) to come babysit them because "I can tell her everything and she listens to me." What's happening around here? It's a good thing I'm not bothered with a low self esteem or I'd be on the pshychiatric couch by now. Only Wally loves me with an unreserved love. He can't get done telling me how much he loves me!

I read so many of you peoples weblogs and I have to admit, so many times it all sounds so perfect. Well, you know what? I'm not perfect, but I do try to be all things to my family. Maybe I'm just living with an ungrateful bunch. Or maybe I do need to reevaluate myself.

Hmm. I think I will do just that. Goodness knows I can't change anything about anyone else. I'll have to figure out what is so unreliable about me that husband and daughter both feel like I'm not keyed in to them. I have more homemaking skills than ninety pecent of the women these days and yet my husband feels I'm inadequate. This wife and mother thing is really a lot of work. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really cut out for it.

Three Cheers for the novice!

I did it! I did it!!! I'm so happy I'm in tears!!!!! For months I've been figuring out how this all works!!! And it was months ago I found this pic. I have no idea where! Goodness I hope no one recognizes it and tells me I stole it from them.

Well no one will steal my joy regardless if my pic is stolen or not!!

I'm so happy, I 'm so happy, I'm so happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy. I'm so happy, I'm so happy, since I can upload pictures to my site!

Did I do it?

Time management

So who would like to share their blogging habits? I seem unable to come up with a good plan for blogging. It's all about time management, I know. But exactly how do you others fit it in? Are your computers right there with you in your main living area? That would make a world of difference if I could have the computer downstairs.

I try to get up before the kids so I can write an entry but this time of year with my allergies so bad I just feel so worn out that I actually feel like I'm doing my kids a disservice by not getting all the rest I can get. I've even been going to bed around nine-thirty so I can be less grouchy the next day.

So I get up earlier than the kids but not enough earlier. I rarely leave time to do my Bible reading and the weblog. This is what I mean about time management. How does everything get juggled?

My kids are out of the nap stage so I don't have that time slot anymore. And to do it in the evening after they go to bed is just plain out of the question. My husband wants my time in the evenings, as well he should, but it really leaves me gasping to find some computer time. If I blog after he has gone to bed then I am taking away my chance to get a good nights rest. I'm also risking a pounding migraine.

Help, Help! Just how do you all get it done? And if you blog with the kids running around do you feel guilty? Do you feel like you should be doing something constuctive with them instead? Or do you feel like you deserve a little "me time"? JUST HOW DO YOU DO IT!? I'm going insane here!

Morning Dribbles

Okay, this is not working! I cannot get anything done! Anna Lise is home for summer vacation and now there's three. It's so hard to get the morning work done that it's noon until I can even get a shower these days. Obviously that leaves me little time to write here. I wonder what it would be like to write all you wanted without interruption. I guess I will never know in this life.

I'm taking the kids to the mall today to have their pictures taken. I hope that's not too ambitious of an endeavor! The kids are so excited. Wally knows they have a toy store there so he has already put in his bid for a truck with a horse trailer. These kids think I'm made of money!

The kitchen is a mess from Haileys bath in the sink and drinking glasses and such. No one has had breakfast. I thought I had plenty of time for my morning Bible reading but Shelly brought Hailey early thus cutting my devotions short. My coffee now sits cold on the table beside my open, barely-read, Bible. I can only hope God understands the life of a mother.

The kids aren't dressed, beds aren't made, I need to shower and wash my hair, and Hailey is fussing in my lap while I type all of this one handed. I'm hoping to have everyone out the door in an hour and a half. ' Think I can do it?

A chance to write

Feeling less like an adult and more like a child every day, from lack of using my brain, you will find it no small thing. I'm sure, that I am pleased as punch to have been asked to help write for a woman's monthly magazine at church. I was also asked if I'd be interested in submitting my childrens stories to be used in the childrens church department. Would I? Oh yes, I would! They want my poetry and my writings on daily life and issues pertaining to motherhood. I am thrilled.

I love the purpose it gives me.

I also scrounged through an old box of collage stuff last night and found my old typing book. I've been meaning to buy one and just start learning typing from scratch again. I'm always rushed with kids needing cared for while I'm typing. I had decided that I needed to be able to type faster if I was really going to keep up my writing. And Presto! There's that typing book; just lieing there waiting to be used. So now I will also be trying to find the time to practice my typing.

I realize this is all going to escalate in still more computer time to begin with. (until I learn to type 100 words aminute) :) So as a precaution against other things being neglected I am trying to come up with a schedule to better organize my time. My housework must not suffer! I just can't even create in a messy house and creating is what I will be doing for a while. I'm just wierd about the house being clean. My entire disposition is only as good as the house is clean.

Haileys here. Gotta go!

Fathers Day Gifts

I am at my wits end what to get Greg for Fathers Day. Any ideas out there? What all are you doing to celebrate? I have a free coupon for Picture People and the pics are done in one hour so I'm thinking about using that to take a pic for him of the kids. We are also gong out ot dinner Sunday afternoon. I'm just worried about the time constraints on getting the pictures taken. I don't very often get to the mall these days.

Thoughts on sacrificial mothering

It's so hard to get anything written with my granddaughter here. She's a good baby but she's a baby. That says it all. I am so glad I didn't have another baby after Wally. I just can't take the constant work it involves. I have to admit that when I had my last two kids I really had no idea how hard it would be. Having kids in your forties is an entirely different story than having kids in your 20's and early 30's. And although I love my kids very much and although I realize how blessed I am to have them, I must say that raising these last two has taken a more sacrificial mothering than my first one did.

I always sort of felt superior to those mothers or conference speakers who spoke of the great sacrifice of motherhood. To me it was no sacrifice. Shelly went with me everywhere. Because I was 22 and still in the youth group she even went to youth activities with me. The youth group loved having her along and even the guys took their turns at holding her. She was everyones baby.

Now with these last two it's a chore to even get out of the house with them! And yes, it takes sacrifice on my part to rais