Toads-in-the-Hole

As we prepare for our imminent labor and delivery adventure, one important thing has been at the forefront of my mind: Joel’s stomach.

Joel’s always had a sensitive stomach. Not in the sense that he is fussy or colicky about what goes in, but that it is simply vital that something – anything – goes in. He generally becomes very weak and short-tempered if forced to tarry too long between meals.

I always thought Joel’s behavior as something of an affectation, being quite able to resourcefully and happily subsist on my body’s own stores of glycogen at a moment’s notice, until Joel’s predilection was recently supported with scientific evidence. 90 minutes after ingesting a 500-calorie lunch of leftovers, Joel’s blood sugar was measured at 93 g/mL. The average person’s post-meal blood sugar, measured two hours after that last bite, is usually in the 170s. This means that Joel’s pancreas, keeper of that all-important metabolic minder insulin, is terribly efficient … Perhaps a bit too efficient.

In our resource-abundant, low-threat world, we often concern ourselves about our personal metabolic efficiency. We worry about whether that 560-calorie Big Mac and its companion 570-calorie large French fry will wander from our mouth to a more permanent home at our waistline in an afternoon. We’re curious about how many scoops of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream we can have before needing to hire a personal trainer. And, we’ll find ourselves power-walking up and down each aisle of the supermarket just so that we can justify the purchase of that big bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos on sale this week.

But, such is not the case with Joel. He’ll eat the Big Mac, the fries, the ice cream, and half the bag of Doritos – suffer horrible heartburn for a half hour (Joel’s not immune from everything), but still find room for supper.

Lately, I’ve been tormented by a scene in which I’m finally in the pushing phase of labor, and my dearest, my life’s companion is passed out a gurney next to my hospital bed with a giant IV pumping 50% Dextrose into his arm.

In an effort to stave off that nightmare, we’re packing a lunch with all the other hospital-overnight bags …

Here are some items from Joel’s lunch bag:

Stretch Island Fruit Leather (45 calories)
Raisins and Spice Instant Oatmeal (170 calories with 2% milk)
Blueberry Nutragrain Bar (140 calories)
Microwaveable Buttered Popcorn (80 calories)
Snickers Bar (280 calories)
Chex Trail Mix (140 calories/handful)
V-8 juice (30 calories)
Minute Maid 100% Grape Juice (100 calories)
Starburst Lollipops (50 calories/pop)

If Joel manages to eat all the snacks I’ve packed, he’ll have consumed nearly 1450 calories (Recommended Daily Allowance = 2000 calories for the average bear).

I doubt it’ll be enough to cover all the energy expenditure in labor’s highs and lows, so I’m adding the telephone number for our favorite local sandwich shop to the Important People to Call When the Baby is Born list.

They deliver.